2020 宏愿之年。
我该怎么告别这震撼世界的一年？
不，它不需要要告别。
它会一直都存在。
当世界都在哀叹，我仍然继续地生活。
当人们都在封锁之下，我依然早起摸黑上班。
我吃劳碌得来的饭，却看不清远方。
2020年，太阳底下没有新鲜事。
2020 宏愿之年。
我习惯了一个人晚安，也习惯了一个人孤单。
想起她的时候，就静静地等风把回忆吹走。
七年里最亲密的人，转眼可以是陌生人。
一个人的心中只有一个宝贝，久了之后真的变成了眼泪。
心里没有期盼，只希望她过得很好。
那年说了再见，却发现一句始终都不够。
2020年，丁香一朵朵。
2020 宏愿之年。
我看见了妳。
说不上是爱，只能说特别地欣赏。
我深深地知道，妳和我属于不同世界。
妳有一种气质，不是玫瑰的冷艳，却不输茉莉的芬芳。
蔷薇的坚强，牡丹的华贵。
妳远远地避开，我悄悄地倾心。
我静待妳默默从我的世界飘过，划起阵阵涟漪。
一个女神一个笑，一把相机一张照。
2020年，我喜欢妳，与妳无关。
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马条，要活得像首诗。
It's the second Christmas without you. And it seems to be a long time ago that I religiously send greeting cards to you twice a year, once during your birthday and once for Christmas. After all, it was just a habit for 5 years.
Let's talk about minimalism.
Undeniably, this is a concept of which I first heard from you years ago. I guess there are a multitude of things that shaped and influenced me out of the relationship, this is just one of them. And I am grateful for that. Being with you augmented my horizon, I could have a sneak peek into a different world, albeit one which is dissimilar with mine.
We tried to understand our different worlds, but in the end both worlds are unable to reconcile to one. Perhaps it shouldn't be. However, inevitably we have adopted parts of each other in our own life. Thank you for opening up my mind to accept things and concepts which are different from mine. I am grateful for the opportunity of growth and tolerance.
As you have probably known it, I tend to be a hoarder, like most guys. I keep things, I keep memories. That's why it seems I am unable to move on. But I do, step by step. It's just that there are a lot of things in my surroundings which can trigger a memory. A song, a scene, a line, a movie, a restaurant, a date, a colour etc. Those objects are a medium transporting me back to the days, it started to be painful, then as months go by they turn from resentment to appreciation and to joy. I am glad we had it. Those are not traumatic experience anymore, those are beautiful learning points that will propel me to the person God wants me to be. Amen!
I have been looking into minimalism more lately. I watch videos and read a book about it. Indeed, I love a neat and tidy space. I have been trying to clear up the clutter in my surroundings too. Slowly, I proceed to de-clutter my mind. Sadly, to really achieve that, I have to remove you from it. Unfortunately some of the memories have become clutter in my mind. I need to de-clutter it. By that maybe it does not mean I have to forget about you. From a scientific point of view it is impossible to remove all memories about you only. If I were to elicit amnesia, I might lose some other memories too.
Yes, I am getting there. To bury deep down and start afresh, to embrace new relationship. I always know I won't be able to be in any relationship as long as I am still holding you. I am not ready for anyone yet. It might not be easy for you too. And I hope you are well. Ah, I saw that you have visited the Japanese restaurant with your friend. Japanese curry is always your favourite.
Christmas. What I love about it is the imagined cozy feeling, wrapping myself in a thick blanket with a cup of hot chocolate by the fireplace in a wooden house at night, watching snowfall outside the house. Yes, I said 'imagined' because I seriously don't like the real freezing weather. White Christmas is not fun, it is not as fun as depicted in the movies. The coldness can kill all your fantasy about it. When I was there, all I wanted was to get inside with the heater on. Don't mention about the thick clothes I have to wear while I go outside. To remove them when I enter a restaurant, and to wear again when getting out. Back home here, I can walk in and out briskly, without all the hassle.
My goal next year is to re-organize my life, re-define it and to reach my full potential.
1) Birthday Stories by Murakami
2) Talking to Strangers by Malcom Gladwell
3) Sleep: Exact Blueprints on how to sleep better and feel amazing by Brian Adams
4) Origin by Dan Brown
5) The Little Book of Lykke: The Danish Search for the World's Happiest People by Meik Wiking
6) Tales of the Peculiar by Ransom Riggs
7) A Map of Days by Ransom Riggs
8) The Conference of the Birds by Ransom Riggs
9) This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor by Adam Kay
10) The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins
11) The Art of Minimalism by Olivia Telford
12) Live the Let-Go Life by Joseph Prince (Re-read the 4th time)
My goal prior to 2020 was to read 10 books per year. And for the first time in my life, I achieved that goal in 2019. Hence I stepped up the goal to be reading 12 books in a year.
My goal in 2021 is to read 15 books. Let's read!
连续工作七天实在累人。一年前，我初入职场，这样的工作时间表对我而言还不是问题。可能是那时候还有干劲，一年后的我已经“老”了，却还不能适应如此忙碌的生活。另外一个原因可能是我的睡眠品质本来就不好，所以我无法获得充足的睡眠。
两个星期在整形外科，我非常感恩老板们对我的爱戴。能在工作上获得赞赏是可喜的，可以让我更有动力地工作。不过，我觉得我在这个小部门也呆够了，因为有时工作量会很大。此外，我也该在大家都对我有美好印象的时候离开。哈哈。
圣诞节要到了，我想搞一个感恩聚会，却也找不到一个适合大家的日子。去年，我还能够回到家里与家人团聚。今年，我应该会在圣诞节工作。我就当作是一种体验吧。我想请假，却没有日期让我选择。
偶尔在开车回家的路上，我会觉得很孤单。有时，少了一个了解自己的人说话，加剧了那孤单的心情。虽然从前那个她不会完全明白，却可以给予精神上的支持。
至于那个女孩，想要默默地守候，时而却贪婪地希望得到更多。何时该前进，何时该放弃？就让我远远地注视，妳那清秀的侧脸。
这就是人参。
这一个星期我到了整形外科部。大家放心，我并没有整形。
在为期两周的训练里，我的第一周主要是负责病房的事物和更换病人的胶布。下一周，我将会在手术室和诊所帮忙。
整形外科主要看的是烧伤的病患和一些因伤需要矫正的器官。政府医院没有提供美容服务。因此，我看见的病患都是挺可怜的。试想想为了治疗灼伤的伤口，而需要移植腿部的皮肤组织。之前在医学院念书时，还觉得没什么。现在目睹其过程则觉得有点残忍，使得我联想到古时的酷刑。那种剥下罪犯的皮的酷刑。
虽然手术过程有时“骇人”，却还真要感谢医疗的进步。没有这样的治疗，那些重度烧伤、毁容、乳癌、断肢的病患就无法重获新生。就算无法恢复之前的面貌和功能，至少不会完全失能。
念书时，我总是无法记得种类繁多的胶布和其功用。在这两个星期里，我可以好好地复习和实践。
书到用时方恨少。我惭愧地说我记忆力不佳，把以前的知识都忘了。而每天工作后，也懒得补一补知识。还有一年，我就必须自己做医疗决定。我是否有足够的经验和知识去帮助病人？还有，住院医师的职责更重，工时更长，我能受得起吗？
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喜欢和妳在一起的时光，喜欢看妳拿着相机认真地拍。我还有多少机会可以这样地注视妳。原来妳也喜欢看海，也喜欢雨天。
