由于太久没上课，不必穿西装，所以我连自己的黑皮鞋长什么样我都忘记了。
那一天回到宿舍把行李都打开放好后，看着那双皮鞋，觉得有点奇怪。当我看着它时就像有讯号干扰的情况，我的大脑似乎尝试传达一些讯息。我不以为意，便把皮鞋放在鞋架上了。
第二天我决定到儿童病房看小孩，穿戴整齐后把鞋一穿，咦，怎么松弛了许多。当下我才恍然大悟，原来我把我爸的皮鞋带回来了。回想这个乌龙的来头，是我当天临时发现还没把皮鞋包裹起来而匆匆开了鞋柜拿了一双，看见是同样牌子便带了回来。
后来拨电话回家，爸爸早已发现了，说如果不合适就另买一双吧。
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Monday, 6 February 2017
Friday, 22 August 2014
医学一年级生的诗
上大学念医学系，生活还是要继续。
吃喝玩乐少不了，时间挤挤就有了。
夜半三更灯不熄，其实大家在游戏。
生理药理心理学，解剖一刀就见血。
从早读书读到晚，到底几时才读完。
还来不及穿白袍，一身毛病不能逃。
既然无法换跑道，还是趁早读书好。
——废材医学生的独白，大力用肺哼出的诗。
Tuesday, 4 March 2014
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
MATTHEW LIM YU ANN
Friday, 27 December 2013
汉语的博大精深
“冬天，有多少穿多少；夏天，有多少穿多少。”
“剩女产生的原因有两个：一是谁都看不上，二是谁都看不上。”
“想和某个人在一起的两种原因：一种是喜欢上人家，另一种是喜欢上人家。”
以上三句是摘自《读者》2013第十六期的言论版。你看懂了吗？刚开始大略看过，还以为看漏了字，怎么有两行都在重复。看到标题是“汉语的博大精深”，更加摸不着脑袋了。心想这明明只是乱来的反复修辞手法，而且还带有冷笑话的元素，哪来博大哪来精深啊。由于不甘就这样被蒙在鼓里，所以不弄个明白誓不休。经过反复的阅读和揣摩，终于看懂了！汉语，果然博大精深啊！
你，明白了吗？
“剩女产生的原因有两个：一是谁都看不上，二是谁都看不上。”
“想和某个人在一起的两种原因：一种是喜欢上人家，另一种是喜欢上人家。”
以上三句是摘自《读者》2013第十六期的言论版。你看懂了吗？刚开始大略看过，还以为看漏了字，怎么有两行都在重复。看到标题是“汉语的博大精深”，更加摸不着脑袋了。心想这明明只是乱来的反复修辞手法，而且还带有冷笑话的元素，哪来博大哪来精深啊。由于不甘就这样被蒙在鼓里，所以不弄个明白誓不休。经过反复的阅读和揣摩，终于看懂了！汉语，果然博大精深啊！
你，明白了吗？
Thursday, 31 May 2012
一路往南
关于上一篇帖《再一次，再见》，接到善意的投诉说我虽然有道出是写给我最亲爱、最可爱、最特别、最义气、最傻气、最要好及最爱的朋友们的，篇幅却只占了几小段而已，不够朋友，却充分显示我的个性。哈。其实，仔细搓摩那几行文字，品味其中的涵义，必定会感动落泪。哈哈。那些是精华啊！！是友谊升华成的文字词句。这又不是在考作文，我刻意不写离愁情绪，也不必从头回忆我们的友情作为铺陈。休想再读到“犹记得我们初次见面时你青涩的笑容……”或“那些年我们一起努力奋斗的日子”。我觉得此时此刻，再写些那些耳熟能详、拖泥带水的词句未免才是真正的不够朋友。
今天到随石头和树到图书馆去，翻看了我即将在七月读的课程之后，如泰山压顶，差点死了。怎么会这样，之前我雄心壮志地认为我一定可以搞定。用九把刀的语言来说，我有沈佳宜“超机八的自信”（编辑注：机八非下流字眼），可怎么瞬间消失。头一遭，我对七月不再是憧憬，而是一丝恐惧。妳至少到了快一星期才感到压力，我连我的战场都没见过。
说个笑话听，是今天听到我的矮学弟说的，一个关于生日许愿的笑话：有一个人生日时许了三个愿望。第一个他说“我要很多钱！”。结果满屋都是钱。“我要健康！”突然之间他感觉良好，年轻了许多，肌肉也长了不少。第三个呢，他想了想，可能是想到他心仪的对象，那个浪漫的画面让他陶醉其中，他害羞地脱口而出“这个不能说” 噢，他哑巴了……
哈哈，很废吧，这种格式的烂笑话我也会编叻。
好了，别再兜了，开始我们充满爱的旅程吧。
话说我曾有个念头，就是随QQ的家人一同到霹雳去为他饯行。就在他们出发前的一个晚上我们在日出茶太和茶哈拉叙别时，猛地想起媛芬大姐也是要到霹雳去，我们其实可以自己开车下去！我把话说完后，自己也难相信这个计划会落实，实在是太紧凑了。如果我们真的计划成功，可以称我们为“随机王”了，真正终极的随机王！
大树一通电话就搞定了他妈，他可以开车去，我真的没有预料就这么简单。我这一方面也作了一个很勇敢及冒险的决定，我决定不告诉我的家人，因为我妈绝对不会允许我去的。哈哈。小读者们千万不可以模仿哦，本人可是有经过特别训练的。因此，你们也不可以向我的家人提起。偏偏，那越来越顽皮的鱼儿想在面子书上陷害我。
星期一早上，我们的计划还处于难产阶段，接近流产。再次让我惊讶的是鱼儿也得到她监护人的批准。好了，有了车，足了人，目的地，不知道。或许可以尾随QQ爸的车吧，但早上10时他还没醒。我们只好到石头家坐坐，看看他能否加入我们的团队。还好，他并没有让我再次惊喜，他虽然缺席我们却获得他妈（家喻户晓的Angie Leong）崭新的全球定位系统机。
我们出-发-了。
如果是搭大人的车，路上的一切我会省略。但是，这次我们出远门没有所谓的大人耶。虽然如此，我还是会省略 -.-，省略地带过就好。身为副驾驶，我的责任无比重大。一路上，我可是凝视着两个银幕，两个耶！一个是小型电视，另一个是“全机”（小学有念过省略语……）。 全机会发出Speed Trap 警报，让我们无忧地以每小时140公里的速度回家吃饭。
快到了Matrikulasi Perak 时出现了大塞车。什么？你说你已经习惯了槟威大桥的塞车，所以塞车对你来说没什么大不了？噢，我们其实是停车。半小时后我实在忍不住了，只剩区区的1.6公里也要等那么久。鱼儿便和我一起下车步行。当时QQ还在高速公路上呢，他完全不相信我们会到这么远来，所以就打赌如果看见我们就穿裙七天。哈，有谁要赞助他裙子？
媛芬和QQ的父母很感动，我们竟然会远道而来帮忙和饯行。看，谁说我重色轻友啊！古人会送别至阳关，我们也可以啊！我们的出现应该不会在大家的预料之中吧，而被欢送的也应该很感动吧，就连我也被自己感动了。哈哈。
朋友们，再再一次，再见。
沿途路过指往妳校的路牌，算是种擦肩而过吧。
Thursday, 29 December 2011
Friday, 28 October 2011
Who Are You?
Okay, most of you probably under exam pressure now ('most of you' means I am not included, as I am in holiday mood!XD), after a whole tough week of studying, take a break and release your stress!
Here is a joke I heard from Hui Wen yesterday :
A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets President Barack Obama.
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister : "when you shake hand with President Obama, please say, 'How are you?' Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say, 'Me too.'Afterwards we, the translators, will do the work for you, you need not to worry."
When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said, "Who are you?"
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humour, "Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha..."
Then Mori replied, "Me too, ha-ha..."
There was a long silence in the meeting room.
XD LAUGH OUT ALL THE STRESS!
Oh ya! I received 2 text messages reminding me to sit tight and study since my last post! So touched!
Here is a joke I heard from Hui Wen yesterday :
A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets President Barack Obama.
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister : "when you shake hand with President Obama, please say, 'How are you?' Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say, 'Me too.'Afterwards we, the translators, will do the work for you, you need not to worry."
When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said, "Who are you?"
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humour, "Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha..."
Then Mori replied, "Me too, ha-ha..."
There was a long silence in the meeting room.
XD LAUGH OUT ALL THE STRESS!
Oh ya! I received 2 text messages reminding me to sit tight and study since my last post! So touched!
THANK YOU Rebecca and Neoh!
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Photo Trap
A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car.
He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs.
=)
hahaha.
Yan Yi!I will send you lots of picture of money!!!!
He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs.
=)
hahaha.
Yan Yi!I will send you lots of picture of money!!!!
Sunday, 8 November 2009
Lame Joke 28
She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?
He: Your sense of humour.
hahahaha~come on.LaUGh Out LOUd!!!
He: Your sense of humour.
hahahaha~come on.LaUGh Out LOUd!!!
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Satan Appears In Church
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty -- except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me, old man!?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty -- except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me, old man!?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Lame Joke 27
John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling.
The pastor gets up and hugs Mary, and sits down.
He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and third time,
and then turns to John and says,"See that, John. Mary needs that EVERY DAY!"
John replies, "Well, that's fine, Pastor. But I can't bring her over here except on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
Hahahaha~Take a Break,Have a KitKat,Read a Joke,Have a NiceDay. =]
The pastor gets up and hugs Mary, and sits down.
He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and third time,
and then turns to John and says,"See that, John. Mary needs that EVERY DAY!"
John replies, "Well, that's fine, Pastor. But I can't bring her over here except on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
Hahahaha~Take a Break,Have a KitKat,Read a Joke,Have a NiceDay. =]
Monday, 21 September 2009
Lame Joke 26:Mouse Droppings
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks,
"How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks,
"How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
Saturday, 19 September 2009
Baseball In Heaven
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Lame Joke 25
Did you hear about the tramp who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said,
"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself" she replied.
=.="
"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself" she replied.
=.="
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Lame Joke 24
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone,
"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
hahahahaha~
"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
hahahahaha~
Monday, 7 September 2009
Lame Joke 23
Just heard of this joke recently...
One day, an archeologist of New York found a copper wire after he dug 10 feet below the ground. He concludes that New York already had telephone line 100 years ago.
Another archeologist of California heard the news. He started to dig 10 feet below the ground, but found nothing. He then continued to dig for another 10 feet, he found a copper wire too. So he concludes that California already had telephone line 200 years ago, a century earlier than New York.
Again, an archeologist of Alabama got the news and started to dig the ground.10 feet...20 feet...still nothing.He decided to dig another 10 feet. At last,he found nothing below 30 feet from the ground.Without any dissapointment, he concludes that, Alabama already had wireless service 300 years ago!!
Hahahahahaha!!
One day, an archeologist of New York found a copper wire after he dug 10 feet below the ground. He concludes that New York already had telephone line 100 years ago.
Another archeologist of California heard the news. He started to dig 10 feet below the ground, but found nothing. He then continued to dig for another 10 feet, he found a copper wire too. So he concludes that California already had telephone line 200 years ago, a century earlier than New York.
Again, an archeologist of Alabama got the news and started to dig the ground.10 feet...20 feet...still nothing.He decided to dig another 10 feet. At last,he found nothing below 30 feet from the ground.Without any dissapointment, he concludes that, Alabama already had wireless service 300 years ago!!
Hahahahahaha!!
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Lame Joke 22
Why'd the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
Hahahahahaha!
Matthew
Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
Hahahahahaha!
Matthew
Saturday, 29 August 2009
Lame Joke 21
A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Damn Lame...Hahahaha.
XD
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Damn Lame...Hahahaha.
XD
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Lame Joke 20
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East.
Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I amunable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never berescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."
A few minutes later the plane lands safely onthe island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!"
Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this month?"
"Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris,"So what are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris responds, "They'll find us."
XD
muahahaha
Jeff, this joke is specially dedicated to u.CHill ya~HAHAHA
Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I amunable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never berescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."
A few minutes later the plane lands safely onthe island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!"
Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this month?"
"Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris,"So what are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris responds, "They'll find us."
XD
muahahaha
Jeff, this joke is specially dedicated to u.CHill ya~HAHAHA
Monday, 24 August 2009
Lame Joke 19
Take Off My Clothes
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.
HAHAHAHAHA
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.
HAHAHAHAHA
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)