It's the second Christmas without you. And it seems to be a long time ago that I religiously send greeting cards to you twice a year, once during your birthday and once for Christmas. After all, it was just a habit for 5 years.
Let's talk about minimalism.
Undeniably, this is a concept of which I first heard from you years ago. I guess there are a multitude of things that shaped and influenced me out of the relationship, this is just one of them. And I am grateful for that. Being with you augmented my horizon, I could have a sneak peek into a different world, albeit one which is dissimilar with mine.
We tried to understand our different worlds, but in the end both worlds are unable to reconcile to one. Perhaps it shouldn't be. However, inevitably we have adopted parts of each other in our own life. Thank you for opening up my mind to accept things and concepts which are different from mine. I am grateful for the opportunity of growth and tolerance.
As you have probably known it, I tend to be a hoarder, like most guys. I keep things, I keep memories. That's why it seems I am unable to move on. But I do, step by step. It's just that there are a lot of things in my surroundings which can trigger a memory. A song, a scene, a line, a movie, a restaurant, a date, a colour etc. Those objects are a medium transporting me back to the days, it started to be painful, then as months go by they turn from resentment to appreciation and to joy. I am glad we had it. Those are not traumatic experience anymore, those are beautiful learning points that will propel me to the person God wants me to be. Amen!
I have been looking into minimalism more lately. I watch videos and read a book about it. Indeed, I love a neat and tidy space. I have been trying to clear up the clutter in my surroundings too. Slowly, I proceed to de-clutter my mind. Sadly, to really achieve that, I have to remove you from it. Unfortunately some of the memories have become clutter in my mind. I need to de-clutter it. By that maybe it does not mean I have to forget about you. From a scientific point of view it is impossible to remove all memories about you only. If I were to elicit amnesia, I might lose some other memories too.
Yes, I am getting there. To bury deep down and start afresh, to embrace new relationship. I always know I won't be able to be in any relationship as long as I am still holding you. I am not ready for anyone yet. It might not be easy for you too. And I hope you are well. Ah, I saw that you have visited the Japanese restaurant with your friend. Japanese curry is always your favourite.
Christmas. What I love about it is the imagined cozy feeling, wrapping myself in a thick blanket with a cup of hot chocolate by the fireplace in a wooden house at night, watching snowfall outside the house. Yes, I said 'imagined' because I seriously don't like the real freezing weather. White Christmas is not fun, it is not as fun as depicted in the movies. The coldness can kill all your fantasy about it. When I was there, all I wanted was to get inside with the heater on. Don't mention about the thick clothes I have to wear while I go outside. To remove them when I enter a restaurant, and to wear again when getting out. Back home here, I can walk in and out briskly, without all the hassle.
My goal next year is to re-organize my life, re-define it and to reach my full potential.
No comments:
Post a Comment