Tuesday 30 July 2013

Whistle While I Work It

The struggle remains.

The conflict is there.

The more I love the more it hurts. I thought I am regulating well, until the flashbacks started to distract me from studies. Have been trying hard to be indifferent, to force myself to remember how bad you are. It seems like this is the only way, it's the mechanism triggered by my mind after all the pain you gave. I say it is a mechanism, because I didn't formulate it, it occurs naturally, just like the immunity you acquired after you recovered from a flu. Your body needs to do something to prevent you from getting harm easily. I suppose this applies to your mind as well. A greater pain comes, when love reaches that point, when the root of our apocalypse is uncovered.

You have been good, you are better. However my mind remains defensive. I realize I become bad in treating you. It is like the reverse of you and me. I consciously become selfish. I am cruel. Am I taking revenge? I constantly remind myself. I ought not to. The Lord teaches us to forgive as He have forgiven all our iniquities. I think I have let go all the past, but sometimes they just rise from bottom suffocating you.I am a romantic guy, I love to give surprises. But I think my passion in doing this is quenched by you after 1 year.

You can't do what I want. We both know the reason why. You have stated your stand. I understand absolutely. I am still finding the balance point. My love is buried deep down, by the hands of myself. I am working on it, while I whistle.

Sunday 21 July 2013

爱在一年前

光阴似箭,有很多事情的发展是不在人们预料之中的。这句话人人都听过,但能真正体会的又有谁?

所谓物竞天择,适者生存,人类也难逃这个定律。但是,人类偏爱打着万物之灵的口号,试图掌控一切。多少年来,科技的革新看似使人类成为了世界的主宰。正当人们陶醉在自己的辉煌时,一场海啸或地震却让人们显得多么的不堪一击。纵观历史,各种古代文明如埃及、罗马、阿兹特克和希腊等,曾经风云一时,如今埋没在残酷的时间里。

有人说命运是自己掌控的。不完全对。你连下一秒会发生的事都不晓得,如何说命运在自己的手里?对,我们可以尽力做自己能力范围内该做的事,但请不要心高气傲等待满分结果。我想大家都有自己尽力却没好结果的经历。物竞,你拿出你的本事和人家竞争:天择,接下来的就得交托上帝。“马是为打仗之日预备的,得胜乃在乎耶和华。《箴言21章31节》”

人生就是变数。

嗯,适者生存。

回到了校园生活,迎来的却是巨大的压力。我说过我从来不曾面对如此的艰难,可悲的是我必需一直重复这句话,因为一山还有一山高,一波还有一波难。从生物学来说,在面对一种生存压力时,能在最短时间内适应变化的物种就能存活下来。这显然不是我,我已经使尽浑身抖擞了却还在挣扎。这一关,难。不过塞翁失马,焉知非福。由于无奈和无助,心里更清楚知道上帝的大能。人都爱依仗自己的聪明,享受成功的荣耀。只有在奇迹发生时,只有看见不可能的变成事实时,只有切切地了解这完全不是出于自己的作为时,人们才知道,一切荣耀归给上帝。

现在的我,仰望上帝的恩典和力量度过每一天。我必须放手,不是放手一搏,是放手交托。

“我靠着那加给我力量的,凡事都能作。《腓立比书4章13节》”

爱,在一年前。