Wednesday 20 November 2013

“试”后有感

问世间“试”为何物,叫人欢喜让人忧。

根据马条几十年对生活的仔细观察,纵观中古至今,考试让考生忧虑的比例明显比欢喜大得多。一句话,读书时能感受到的喜乐(不包括精神上的满足)莫过于经榜题名时。

考试前那种的读书压力,担心考试失败等等,都带来了心灵上的折磨。心里难免在夜深人静一个人独自挑灯夜读时盼望考试后放纵的时光。考试后又可能觉得无聊透顶。为何会有这种心情上的落差?关于考试种种的“疑难杂症”现在暂且不谈,留给下篇《考试症候群》。

这回就让我打破传统,不拐弯抹角,开门见山吧。其实在作答最后一张试卷完毕后,当下真的有松了一口气,还在当场比了胜利的手势呢。那种欢喜的心情只维持了几秒而已。

也许是成熟了(我强烈怀疑我成熟了),心情很平静。这或许是所谓的平常心吧。也可能是过去尝够了那种你期待一天的到来,那天过了又好像失去什么的感觉。从前会很期待考完试后的假期可以做些什么,但假期过了回到学堂又有点失落。这就像上班族吧,总是期待周末,然后蓝色星期一。

对抗这种感觉,最好的办法莫过于保持平常心吧。我好像办到了。凡事有其时。这句话圣经里也有提到。这种生活智慧已给活在几千年前的所罗门王指出了。播种有时,收割有时。每一件事都有完成它的时机。延伸思考,就是说要活在当下,过去的事你改不了,未来的事你不知道,唯有现在的事你能做好。

既然凡事都有定期,就也不必一直去想象考完试的事情了。该来的终究回来。考试的第一天到来,代表着考试后的日子也不远了。考完了试,但人生不止于此,太过大事庆祝会带来空虚。我并不是说不可以庆祝,只是有时觉得有必要吗。

从考场出来,有一种失去方向的感觉。我并没有任何庆祝计划,只是选择回宿舍收拾,还选择去了祷告会。可能延迟兴奋得心情,会降低心情落差吧。午夜两点,我累了,却不想睡。是因为考完试?心里又起了矛盾。不是说了以平常心看待吗,怎么作息不平常?

话说回来,可能考试后的高兴很难被遮盖。也可能另有其因,就把它归为“考试症候群”吧。


Friday 1 November 2013

1st of November

So here comes another new month, exam is going to end soon, but we still have third quarter of the papers to scribble.

Day by day, I depend on His grace and mercy to sustain. I do feel down sometimes, being all alone in the dorm. However, I will quickly sing a song of worship, and my spirit knows He is near.

The interview wasn't too bad, I will continue to believe in Him, let go of every mistakes I have made. BMAT is just around the corner, I will just surrender and commit the test unto Him.

Ohya, after the end of this final battle, I shall celebrate the victory by going to the cinema for Hunger Games 2! Yeah, still remember I watched the first episode after a success as well.

I will probably go back right after exam, and come back to Subang again on 25th for Monash medical interview for both Sunway and Clayton campuses. Neri! Do give me some tips about it.

Alright! See you guys!