2021年首周

踏入2021年，其实氛围并没有什么不同。从小到大对新年的期盼在今年也不来得强烈。这也许是我的生活并没有什么改变，依旧和往常一样，就是工作。以前呢，每一年都是新学年，环境都洋溢着新气象。今年，世界依然在疫情的笼罩之下，大家似乎也没什么心情庆祝。我也渐渐地忘了疫情之前的日子是怎么过的。以前都会很频繁地去电影院，想回家也不是问题。

我发现我疫情后认识的人，一脱下口罩就变成陌生面孔。而我也渐渐忘了大家的“真面目”。口罩曾几何时变成了必需品。所谓的社交距离，也让人与人的心隔了一层。

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这个星期开始不懂为什么，我突然觉得我和妳相隔很远。很远。

我们之间隔着一层厚膜，特别是在众人面前。我们好像陌生人。也许我们本来就是。

谢谢妳的出现。今年我就继续走我的路吧。

欢庆2021

原来没有她的一整年，我过得好好的。

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又是新的一年了。又是制订新年目标的时候。又是弃旧迎新的日子。

我往年都会在年底就开始写下新年目标，这两年来由于工作的缘故，我都没时间好好沉淀思绪去规划新的一年。

我的意识都是：就由神带领吧。可是后来觉得这好像是个很神圣的借口，说出口让人没有反驳的余地。其实日子都是在忙忙的工作里度过，有时不觉得踏实。

好吧，就让我在新一年里的第一个星期，花一点时间去思索，让2021过得灿烂。

2020年

 2020 宏愿之年。

我该怎么告别这震撼世界的一年？

不，它不需要要告别。

它会一直都存在。

当世界都在哀叹，我仍然继续地生活。

当人们都在封锁之下，我依然早起摸黑上班。

我吃劳碌得来的饭，却看不清远方。

2020年，太阳底下没有新鲜事。

2020 宏愿之年。

我习惯了一个人晚安，也习惯了一个人孤单。

想起她的时候，就静静地等风把回忆吹走。

七年里最亲密的人，转眼可以是陌生人。

一个人的心中只有一个宝贝，久了之后真的变成了眼泪。

心里没有期盼，只希望她过得很好。

那年说了再见，却发现一句始终都不够。

2020年，丁香一朵朵。

2020 宏愿之年。

我看见了妳。

说不上是爱，只能说特别地欣赏。

我深深地知道，妳和我属于不同世界。

妳有一种气质，不是玫瑰的冷艳，却不输茉莉的芬芳。

蔷薇的坚强，牡丹的华贵。

妳远远地避开，我悄悄地倾心。

我静待妳默默从我的世界飘过，划起阵阵涟漪。

一个女神一个笑，一把相机一张照。

2020年，我喜欢妳，与妳无关。

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马条，要活得像首诗。

The Art of Minimalism

It's the second Christmas without you. And it seems to be a long time ago that I religiously send greeting cards to you twice a year, once during your birthday and once for Christmas. After all, it was just a habit for 5 years.

Let's talk about minimalism.

Undeniably, this is a concept of which I first heard from you years ago. I guess there are a multitude of things that shaped and influenced me out of the relationship, this is just one of them. And I am grateful for that. Being with you augmented my horizon, I could have a sneak peek into a different world, albeit one which is dissimilar with mine.

We tried to understand our different worlds, but in the end both worlds are unable to reconcile to one. Perhaps it shouldn't be. However, inevitably we have adopted parts of each other in our own life. Thank you for opening up my mind to accept things and concepts which are different from mine. I am grateful for the opportunity of growth and tolerance.

As you have probably known it, I tend to be a hoarder, like most guys. I keep things, I keep memories. That's why it seems I am unable to move on. But I do, step by step. It's just that there are a lot of things in my surroundings which can trigger a memory. A song, a scene, a line, a movie, a restaurant, a date, a colour etc. Those objects are a medium transporting me back to the days, it started to be painful, then as months go by they turn from resentment to appreciation and to joy. I am glad we had it. Those are not traumatic experience anymore, those are beautiful learning points that will propel me to the person God wants me to be. Amen!

I have been looking into minimalism more lately. I watch videos and read a book about it. Indeed, I love a neat and tidy space. I have been trying to clear up the clutter in my surroundings too. Slowly, I proceed to de-clutter my mind. Sadly, to really achieve that, I have to remove you from it. Unfortunately some of the memories have become clutter in my mind. I need to de-clutter it. By that maybe it does not mean I have to forget about you. From a scientific point of view it is impossible to remove all memories about you only. If I were to elicit amnesia, I might lose some other memories too. 

Yes, I am getting there. To bury deep down and start afresh, to embrace new relationship. I always know I won't be able to be in any relationship as long as I am still holding you. I am not ready for anyone yet. It might not be easy for you too. And I hope you are well. Ah, I saw that you have visited the Japanese restaurant with your friend. Japanese curry is always your favourite.

Christmas. What I love about it is the imagined cozy feeling, wrapping myself in a thick blanket with a cup of hot chocolate by the fireplace in a wooden house at night, watching snowfall outside the house. Yes, I said 'imagined' because I seriously don't like the real freezing weather. White Christmas is not fun, it is not as fun as depicted in the movies. The coldness can kill all your fantasy about it. When I was there, all I wanted was to get inside with the heater on. Don't mention about the thick clothes I have to wear while I go outside. To remove them when I enter a restaurant, and to wear again when getting out. Back home here, I can walk in and out briskly, without all the hassle.   

My goal next year is to re-organize my life, re-define it and to reach my full potential.

The Books I Read in 2020

1) Birthday Stories by Murakami

2) Talking to Strangers by Malcom Gladwell

3) Sleep: Exact Blueprints on how to sleep better and feel amazing by Brian Adams

4) Origin by Dan Brown

5) The Little Book of Lykke: The Danish Search for the World's Happiest People by Meik Wiking

6) Tales of the Peculiar by Ransom Riggs

7) A Map of Days by Ransom Riggs

8) The Conference of the Birds by Ransom Riggs

9) This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor by Adam Kay

10) The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

11) The Art of Minimalism by Olivia Telford

12) Live the Let-Go Life by Joseph Prince (Re-read the 4th time)

My goal prior to 2020 was to read 10 books per year. And for the first time in my life, I achieved that goal in 2019. Hence I stepped up the goal to be reading 12 books in a year. 

My goal in 2021 is to read 15 books. Let's read!

圣诞将至

仔细回想我度过的每一个圣诞，今年的应该会很不一样。

为什么呢？因为从我有记忆以来的圣诞节，我都是在放假。中小学在放年假，大学在放春假。至于我正式工作的第一年，也就是去年，我也获得假期回家过圣诞。

今年呢，托老板的福我的周休落在平安夜和圣诞节。老板把我上周的休假推迟至下周。这样也好，我目前在小儿外科，工作不会很忙，也不会很累。

之前我有点抗拒到小儿外科，原因是之前和外科医生有一点过节。这一次见面她好像不记得我（真庆幸我没有为此改变发型）。原来她的人是不错的，不如我之前对她的印象。在这个小部门，我连续值夜班三天。这算是我职业生涯里的另一项突破。我以为会很难熬，谁知过后习惯了。由于夜班没什么事忙，我晚上照样睡六个小时。早上七点准时下班（我六点半就溜走了），吃个早餐看大家忙着上班。所以说，连续值夜班一周也不是事儿。

今年的圣诞既然无法和亲友共度，我就在我们自己成立的基督团契搞了过节活动。我们当初设立这个团契就是要在信仰上相互勉励，毕竟人生漫漫，偶尔会失去生活焦点。说来我也很久没有搞教会相关的活动了，想起当年大家都在应付大考，我却在忙建立教会支会。

我的导师曾经告诉我，工作归工作，也要有生活。可是，我们当医生的，有时很难两头兼顾。病人的病情无法预测，我们的工时不能准点。我偏偏比较注重生活，我要看我的书，我要看我的日落。这也是为什么我愿意尝试到澳洲工作。

说到澳洲，我却还没着手准备申请功夫。一有时间我就看自己要看的书，根本没动力去写履历。其实我自己也没有什么成就可以写下来。

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想起我度过的那个白色圣诞，无可避免地想到了她。那一年在曼切斯特，那些年的远距离。那个寒冷的夜晚，那些白说的诺言。是我对我们的感情有过高的期盼，是我对我们的未来有过分的憧憬。我们不一样，在磨合也是枉然。

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一位女神一个笑，一把相机一张照。