Sunday, 1 June 2014

那张五令吉


虽然最近自己发起了一场思维革命:那就是拒绝陷入回忆过去的泥沼,还有抵抗忧郁惆怅的情绪,但思绪有时还是会不知不觉地飘回到“那些年”。

其实从二十三个月前开始,每个月有那么的一天,我们会回忆当初到底是怎么一回事。也许一直思想我们为什么会在一起可以让我们走得更远。到了今天,我还不是很确定到底这是如何发生的。这个转变可以说是很奇妙,甚至梦幻。这个转变也改变了彼此的生命。至少对我来说这大大地影响我两年以来的生活,虽然不至于翻天覆地,但也成为了我人生不可或缺的一块。我想,这样一个的变化还是会继续在我的未来泛起涟漪,直到我们分开?

我企图探讨我们开始前后的关系。就如之前提过的,对妳的印象少之又少。或许我应该以研读历史的态度来看待我们这一段日子。那么我们的起点应该是部落格。但是这样地客观也未免太严肃了些。好吧,我就尝试把我们开始之前我对妳的印象如故事般叙述,让记忆形成文字,文字化为永恒。

*

一个美丽的星期六早晨,男孩和女孩到附近吃早餐。

女孩坐在男孩的对面,微风吹起,男孩不难注意到了女孩被风吹动的发丝。由于头发乱了,女孩显得有点懊恼。

享用了早餐后,在归程的路上女孩突然发现她遗失了一张五令吉。男孩不知道该怎么做,是安慰女孩呢,还是帮女孩找回那张五令吉,又或者把自己的五令吉给她。

女孩虽然有点惊慌,但还是很快地把事情抛到脑后,继续地哼着歌。最后,男孩好像对女孩说:“或许拾到钞票的会是个穷人,就当作是做了件好事吧。”。女孩微笑地点点头。

男孩觉得女孩很开朗。

那一天,风很大,而男孩似乎永远都会记得那张五令吉,还有女孩迎风翩舞的长发。





这,是其中一个故事。

Friday, 30 May 2014

X 计划


是时候了。

几个月来,接受了太多的正能量治疗。父母、家人、佳人朋友等等各方都集中火力向我全面发射正能量。起初没有显著的效果,情况还继续恶化,甚至到了快要放弃一切治疗的地步。到了近期连续接受了一系列的治疗:讲座、上课、导师等等后,大脑皮层似乎开始有了正面的反应。体内内啡肽水平持续上升,情况乐观,有信心可以超越正常水平,健健康康。

抱歉,我,是医学生。

大一第一学期的医、学、生。

老实说,这真的没什么了不起。医学生,无论如何都是个学生。别人当你是天才,讲师天天说你是蠢才。上课时我觉得我简直蠢呆了,我还不会这一种新语言——就只管叫它“医语”吧。但是,大脑后方总有个声音一直细说,只要是马条干的事没有一样是不了不起的。告诉你哦,就连失败,也跌得够彻底,够了不起的。那些喜欢“关心”(也许关注比较贴切)我的,给我听好了,如果是真关心,我体会得到。写在这里的东西,你看得到不代表是给你看的。在外面说的闲话,少了我的事也很热闹吧?天哪,任尔东西南北风,再来南北东西挫,发生这一切之后我还能在这里吹,还真有本事。

好吧,继续说说医学生。其实,也没什么好说的。但是,总该说些什么才是。成为一名医生的过程,在我看来就如毛虫变蝴蝶。目前这一门科系给我最大的吸引力不是未来的公德名利,或者饱读经书的快感,而是如何做人。

我看到的是,一个可以真正地朝向健全人格塑造进发的机会。一名医生,不应该只会关于医学的知识。学术方面,他应该达到上知天文,下知地理的境界。不过,我觉得更重要的是他为人处事方面的成熟。他站出来,就会让人觉得不一样。这不是社会地位的问题,而是由于大将之风、能够担当、处事不惊、对人和蔼。孔子也说”泛爱众,而亲仁,有余力,则学文”。

说到这儿,到底什么是X计划?

一对X染色体代表着女性,X计划当然是献给她的。哈,这到底是什么,现阶段无可奉告。不过,线索能够在这篇里头找到。

歌曲,可以唱出许多人的心声。歌曲,可以叙说许多人的故事。歌曲,可以代表我牵妳走过的日子。

不是回味过往,而是升华记忆。

是时候了。



Monday, 26 May 2014

Bangkitlah




You've seen my monsters, you've seen my pain, you're told of my problems, you've tried to chase them away.

You have seen it all, I do not have anything to hide from you. Thank you for keep on trying, I never take for granted. I know you are really fed up. Everyone does. It's time to sit down and talk again.

I remember when we first started you let me listen to "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson. I didn't understand what the lyrics was about. Then slowly I began to know, love covers all offences. And I am learning it.

Perhaps I used the wrong way, it shouldn't be mere tolerance. It's time to sort out the better approach.

Yes, I will definitely rise. But it takes time.

I think I am just like the young Charles Xavier in the most recent X- Men. I have many voices in my mind, I am afraid of the background commentary voices. I shut myself up. I lose hope. However, this is what the old Charles advises the young Charles :" Feel the pain, embrace it, your mind will be stronger than ever before."

Shall I open up my wounds to the brutality of truth.

Am I ready to do it. Can I bear the pain.






Tuesday, 29 April 2014

2048 solved!

I came back from campus last night at 10.30pm. After I brushed up it was about 11pm already. I was about to climb into my comfy bed when I had an urge to try once more to solve the addictive puzzle.

So I tried. Just to assuage my addiction. However surprisingly the game flowed well. I sat upright and put my specs on, for I thought I could solve it. And I did!!

Thala.

Yeah! Happy moody Monday night.



                      

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Iridescent

I have an idea, a brilliant and creative way to update my post! However, I need time and tools to complete it, let's see if I can change the idea into reality one day.

Well, days are still not easy to get by, but I have something to look forward to 2 weeks later ( you know what is it =P ). I am on a total relaxed mode, not putting as much effort as I was in A-Levels. I am a little bit guilty about that especially I remembered what Dr Sen said :" Medical students are very privileged, you have 24 hours per day! 8 hours for lectures, the rest for you to study!" I appreciate his frankness, as many lecturers say there is fun and life in med school. The reason they say so is to prevent students from being too stressful.

Today is Easter Sunday! May the resurrection power fills you! 

Though it is the day Jesus resurrected from the grave, I remembered a phrase from my favourite song 3 years ago.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope, but failure's all you've known. Remember all the sadness and frustration. And let it go, let it go.

hmmm.

Yes, it is Linkin Park. The theme song for Transformers 3.

Blessed Easter!!

回家

从来没有如此挂念家乡。只不过离开了三个星期,却好像离开了很久很久。这一次环顾家乡的四周,格外地珍惜映入眼帘的一景一物,甚至到了含情脉脉的地步。

为什么会如此想念,我不懂 。可能经历了太多沧桑,没有一个比家更让人有安全感的地方。回到了这里,回到了妈妈的身边,心里有平安。

我不想离开,不想离开这个避风港。外面波涛汹涌,外面雷雨交加。曾经红心壮志 ,曾经斗志高昂。如今,我只求安定,我只求普通。

谢谢还有一班朋友为我撑腰,没有责备,没有唾弃。

我该努力站起来。