Photographs

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes.

I think this is perfectly true for me. Months have past and I seem to stuck in the loop of stages of grief. If you don't know what are the stages of grief, there five, namely - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I have been going through the cycle over and over again. I tried to get out of it but I really don't know how. So I wait patiently for time to act, for time to heal. But is it working? Does this have to do with genetics? The coping mechanism in myself? She seems like she has moved on completely, wiping off the footprints left behind her, leaving no traces of the past.

Why do I still keep the photographs. 

Perhaps I am not keeping them, I just don't trash them away. Why should I? It is a part of my life. I couldn't possibly deny what has happened.

But I doubt that I would look through the photographs again. It will only elicit pain and nothing else. However, I realize that the worse part is I can see them without physically look at them, they etch in my mind. 

The feelings of despair set in again recently. It is the same experience like last year. The tightness on my chest resonates through my body and soul. I couldn't sleep. I wake up in despair.

How much time do I need more to get over this.

I know even if the wound healed there would be a scar, the pain will be forever there. It will only diminish, it will not disappear. It's like the half-life graph in Physics. The pain, just the radioactive particle, will only diminish over time, but it will not be gone.

Overseas, it is still a dream to be fulfilled.

My heart will still break a little when I hear your name, even 10 years later.

'We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home'

远足

有时候我觉得我是个热爱大自然的孩子。严格来说我还没有到非常热爱的程度，只是喜欢出去走走看看世界。

我喜欢放眼眺望，看看宽阔四周的风景。而能让双眼真正的看远的，肯定不是在市区里。这也就是为什么我喜欢站在阳台上，让自己的视线聚焦在一望无际的大海蓝天，和远处层层绿绿的山林。放远视线，心思意念也仿佛开阔了起来。在加上身处于深山之中，只有海浪和虫鸣声。那一种恬静，不是少了喧嚷而已，心灵深处的杂音也消失了。

带了相机想极力留下眼睛所看见的，才发现这是徒然。相机抓住了当时的美景，却留不住当时的感动。最好的相机乃是自己的眼睛，眼睛所见比任何一张照片都来得真实美丽。或许当下的那一种感受是五官一起配合赐予的，那一瞬间一恍即逝，记忆无法为它永久保留。日后所回顾的照片，只能提供视觉上的感受和激起回忆。

和这一班朋友出去很好玩。哈哈。

助人前的犹豫

话说昨天QQ来我家学游泳，其实大家只是在水里泡泡。做完了桑拿后刚走出来，就看见有一物由空中坠入泳池里，伴随着儿童呼喊和大人说话的声音。由于坠落地点离我们较远，QQ猜那是苹果。

我们不以为意，慢慢地绕着泳池走向出口。快要走到物品的坠落地点时，一对父母和一对儿女也来到了泳池，看来是来捡回那件物品的。这时我们也看清了池中物，是一个铅笔刨。

身穿小学校服的男孩结巴地要求我们帮他捡上来，他母亲却告诉他我们已经换好衣服了，不便下水，便哄着他离开。我们便呆在那里看着泡在池里色彩缤纷的铅笔刨，讨论着该怎么办。

迟疑了很久很久，当他们一家人快要到出口时，我们叫住了他们。其实我上身穿件衣，还穿着泳裤，便下水帮我的小学弟把铅笔刨取回来。事后，他父母答谢了我们。

我却一直在想这举手之劳的事，我们怎么犹豫了那么久。

我想我有两个朋友遇到这种情况肯定会二话不说便跳下水。

我们为何迟疑了。

难道这就是自私的自己，总不想干涉别人的事。还是因为他母亲的那句话，影响了我们作决定的能力？还是我在等他母亲出口要求？

再想一想，他们会来到泳池不会是要看看而已，一定是看见了我们在附近。我们如果没采取行动的话就有点不义了。

下次，不应该对别人漠不关心。好医生，靠的还是那颗心。

 

我们，就像一首最美丽的歌曲

变成，两部悲伤的电影

为什么你，带我走过最难忘的旅行

然后留下最痛的纪念品

突然好想你

你会在哪里

过得快乐或委屈

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆

突然模糊的眼睛

手写的从前

当假期在无所事事中度过时，才发现开学的日子将近而后悔不已。想到学期中的不可开交，是否能在剩下的假期中做些什么来减轻上课时的压力。作业是时候开始动手完成了。

想到之前为假期策划的事项都没有完成，真是懊恼。明日复明日，明日何其多，日日待明日，万事成蹉跎。古人的这句话果然没错，也说明了人类的惰性早已根生地固。原本在日历上制定好要做的事情，在日出之时便迟迟不肯开始，到了日落就告诉自己：“明天才做吧！”。其实应该想到了就去做，只要定下心来开始了，就比较容易把事完成。

不过，亡羊补牢，未为迟也。还有三个星期，就开始纪律化自己的生活吧！

微风需要竹林 溪流需要蜻蜓

乡愁般的离开 需要片片浮萍

记得那年的雨季 回忆里特安静

哭过后的决定 是否还能进行

我傻傻等待 傻傻等春暖花开

等终等于等明等白 等爱情回来

青春属于表白 阳光属于窗台

而我想我属于 一个拥有你的未来

纸上的彩虹 用素描画的钟

我还在修改 回忆之中你的笑容

该怎么去形容 为思念酝酿的痛

夜空霓虹 都是我不要的繁荣

或许去趟沙滩 或许去看看夕阳

或许任何一个可以想心事的地方

情绪在咖啡馆 被调成一篇文章

彻底爱上 你如诗一般透明的泪光

非常喜欢这一段饶舌，念起来像诗一样。其实我可以过得很好，没有必要和自己过不去。儿女情长不是生活的全部，拿起了，就要放得下。爱情不谈愧疚，当人走茶凉，也不必追忆曾经的美好。曾经的温柔体贴，曾经的甜言蜜语，在荷尔蒙消失后也就失去了价值。承诺太多，多少会错。一时相恋，未必能相依一世。到头来或许只能怪自己当时的冲动，其实也是一种青春的勇气，迅速坠入了爱河，跌了一身伤。

“是爱让我变得忧郁。我漠然地看着世间的苍茫，原来，爱，从不逗留。”

分手后不能做朋友，我信了。但，关系虽然不再一样，关心怎能说断就断？就让我在时间的澎湃中慢慢地忘了关怀吧。

这风铃 跟心动很接近

这封信 还在怀念旅行

路过的爱情 都太年轻

你是我 想要再回去的风景

这别离 被瓶装成秘密

这雏菊 美得像诗句

而我在风中 等你的消息

等月光落雪地 等枫红染秋季 等相遇

我重温午后的阳光

将吉他斜揹在肩上

跟多年前一样

我们轻轻的唱 去任何地方

我看着你的脸 轻刷著和弦

情人节卡片 手写的永远

还记得 广场公园一起表演

校园旁糖果店 记忆里在微甜

我看着你的脸 轻刷著和弦

初恋是 整遍手写的从前

还记得 那年秋天说了再见

当恋情已走远 我将你深埋在心里面

至我甜中带苦的初恋，至我留在卡片上的永远，至我曾经很爱很爱的妳。

Cheerleader

Thanks to Neri I was addicted to this song for 26 hours and 38 minutes.

I kept repeating the chorus all the time, wherever I go whatever I do. The people around me get really annoyed. 

I even translated it to Mandarin and Malay.

The people around me were really really really annoyed.

That's annoying Matt in action. Irritating people, admittedly is one of my favourite past time. Hahaha.

Thanks to you again Neri, may you find your jelly hair.

'Oh I think that I've found myself a cheerleader, she is always right there when I need her.'

My Favourite Scenes in Avengers 2

I have watched twice for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Apparently it is one of my favourite films. I just love to see how different superheroes with their distinct personalities interacting with each other. My favourite character is non other than the Ironman. To me, the advancement in technology is more appealing than any in built super powers. That's why I like Batman too. But Batman is darker than the humourous Ironman. And I always think myself is humourous.

In Avengers, each superheroes with their distinct characters and abilities, have to work together to achieve a common goal. It is not easy. In real life, it is the same scenario for us to work in a group. Some people have to compromise, some people have to put down their pride. Each one of them have their own weaknesses as well, which are easily manipulated as portrayed in the movie. We have flaws, regardless of how hard we strive for perfection.

Appreciate the friends who accept fully of who you are. Treasure them, and embrace them just like how they have hugged you tightly. You can't have all the world to agree with you. There are people who will stand with you in good and in bad times. Recognized that there will be same people who don't like you naturally, just like you would dislike some people at the first sight.

There are two scenes which I love in the Avengers 2. Can't really explain why but I just like it. I like that all superheroes are fighting together side by side.

I like how they eventually lined up together when they were scattered across the jungle.

  

This is the one when all of them were trying to protect the core.