非我写的诗

林府盛世佳名扬

宇阔人伟创辉煌

安若处之树一帆

名副其实强中强

那一年去中国时买的。小时候也曾想写一首每行都以自己三字姓名为首的诗，却绞尽脑汁都写不出来。不过要写出以上如此傲气凌人的句子我实在下不了笔。心中理想的诗是一首能展现自己的性格或价值观的，这样一来下次自我介绍时只需吟诗，独特之余又可令人留下深刻的印象。

或许，在这个时刻我需要从这首诗中找回自信，才能再次迈开步伐，勇往直前。这段时期思考了许多关于人生的问题，虽然还没看破，却也有不少领悟。人生就是不停地奋斗？不然。长大了，就要学会自我肯定，不需要依赖物质的衡量。原来，是我自己想得太多而忧虑。未来是会怎样没人懂，只能走一步，看一步。不必有太严谨的规划，就如现在回首过去，每一步也不在自己的意料之中。

认识你们遇见妳，这些关心我扶持我的人们，我献上感谢。感谢你们真诚的关心让我毫无顾虑地在此分享心事，不必在意那些只想一窥其究竟的人。

MH370与夏洛克

不需要我多说，大家都知道这起这几天来占据各大报章一半版位的马航客机离奇失踪事件。这起事件刹那间让大马成为国际焦点，其他的事情似乎被淡化了。至少十个国家，四十架飞机和三十四艘船参与搜索行动，这支团队可谓声势浩大，场面何其壮观！真希望机上的机组人员和乘客都平安归来。

这几天我躺在床上，突发奇想。如果，我是说如果，英国神探夏洛克（Sherlock Holmes）在场，他会怎么破解这宗谜案呢?在此先发表声明，这纯粹是我个人的想法，不代表任何一方，也不存心揶揄任何一方。

夏洛克会从何下手呢?我想他会以他一贯的基本演绎法出发，对任何细节都不放过，并把所得资料进行推断。当然，在结论还没出炉前所有的推断只是假设，可能存在误差。

第一步，夏洛克会到案发现场巡视收集资料。他会带着华生，乘直升机到飞机失联点勘察，参考飞行资料，研究地理形势，天气甚至太阳的方位，并在脑海中把各个可能演练一遍。

第二步，夏洛克应该会废寝忘食地把机上239人的个人资料，乃至家属资料都调查一遍。他尝试在看似毫无关联的细节上寻找线索。

第三步，夏洛克继续搜集资料，也许会要求听控制塔和机长的对话。他会上门调查每一个和那架飞机有接触的人士，包括行李运输员，添油的，维修的等等。甚至会查看全机场的闭路电视。他会有一张大地图，标着每一个人登机前来自的地方，和最终的目的地。

总之，在花大量的时间分析有关的资料后，夏洛克会推断那架飞机到底所在何处。是故障，是阴谋，谜底会被他揭开。在电影和电视剧里，没有任何疑难杂症可以难倒他。虽然他只是一个虚构人物，但世界之大无奇不有，应该会有至少一个如他般聪明绝顶的人吧？期待有个人能够扮演他的角色，把真相找出来。

不过三个臭皮匠，顶个诸葛亮。十个国家的合作，十个国家的资源，一定能够寻得失踪者的。

我这关于夏洛克的幻想，也算是反映内心希望他们能回到家属身边，大家一起祷告祈福吧。

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ENFP?

Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Prospecting.

Well this seems to be my personality type according to the test. Even though I don't usually believe in personality tests, a lot of my characteristics do fit into the descriptions.

Quoting from 16personalities.com :

ENFP strengths

• Observant. ENFP personalities believe that there are no irrelevant details or actions – they try to notice everything, seeing all events as part of a big mysterious puzzle called life.
• Very popular and friendly. ENFPs are altruistic and cooperative, doing their best to be empathic and friendly in every situation. They can get along with nearly everyone and usually have a large circle of friends and acquaintances.
• Energetic and enthusiastic. ENFPs are always eager to share their ideas with other people and get their opinions in return. Their enthusiasm is contagious and very inspiring at the same time.
• Know how to relax. People with this personality type know how to switch off and have fun, simply experiencing life and everything it has to offer. Their wild bursts of enthusiastic energy can often surprise even their closest friends.
• Excellent communicators. ENFPs tend to have great people skills and they instantly know how to present their ideas in a convincing way. They can handle both small talk and deep, meaningful conversations, although the ENFP’s definition of small talk may be somewhat unusual – they will steer the conversation towards ideas rather than weather, gossip etc.
• Curious. ENFPs are very imaginative and open-minded. They enjoy trying out new things and do not hesitate to go outside their comfort zone if necessary.

ENFP weaknesses

• Highly emotional. ENFP personalities tend to have very intense emotions, seeing them as an inseparable part of their identity. This may often cause the ENFP to react strongly to criticism, conflicts or tension.
• May have poor practical skills. ENFPs are brilliant when it comes to solving problems, creating processes or initiating projects (especially if they involve other people) – however, they are likely to find it difficult to follow through and deal with the practical, administrative side of things.
• Overthink things. ENFPs always look for hidden motives and tend to overthink even the simplest things, constantly asking themselves why someone did what they did and what that might mean.
• Get stressed easily. ENFPs are very sensitive and care deeply about other people’s feelings – this can cause them a lot of stress sometimes as people often look toward them for guidance and encouragement, and the ENFP cannot always say “yes”.
• Find it difficult to focus. People with the ENFP personality type lose interest quickly if their project shifts towards routine, administrative matters – they may not be able to stop their mind from wandering off.
• Very independent. ENFPs loathe being micromanaged or restrained by rules and guidelines. They want to be seen as highly independent individuals, masters of their own fate.

Yes I am a very emotional guy, those who know me well know it. This is clearly shown through my writings. Sometimes I even think I am too cissy, confiding my deepest thoughts and feelings to other people. I am feeling directed.

Besides, the description of the personality points out that I am likely to have difficulties dealing with routines, administrative matters. This is true as I am bored after 1 week as a teacher. However, I force myself to commit to the job as I take it as a challenge to deal with boredom.

It also says that I am a non-conformist. Hence, I will not fix myself into this personality frame!XP

万马奔腾，锦绣前程！

虽然人人说年味渐淡，但是无论如何过年嘛就好好开心聚一聚。总觉得只要大家聚在一起，自然会闻到阵阵年味香。

今年的新年和我的生日很接近，可以说是喜上加喜。感谢大家给我的祝福和一个温馨的庆祝会，把我从忧郁中解救出来。尤其是捏你，感谢你一直得鼓励。

对了，昨天学校举办了《春到北钟》春节才艺欣赏会。坐在老师席上观看和当年与朋友们坐在地上起哄的感觉不同。可能是当了临教而表现得拘谨些，不敢在学生面前太亲善。有我那年的同学来校看望师长，不知怎么我有点害臊，没和他们交流。

昨晚吃了年夜饭后，赶去和少年军警的战友们见面。很高兴我赴了约！有些朋友已经好久不见，虽然无法一一与大家畅谈问候，但至少能见上一面。也许我们从前同甘共苦地筹办各种活动和参加各种比赛，而缔结了一种无法磨灭的情结。过去的摩擦大家已经释怀，只知道我们都是少年军警的一份子。就说这是一种归属感吧。

马上幸福！

马年蒙福！

马条祝福！

Strained

The last day of me being 19. I am turning 20. Abolideboh. Is this a sign of maturity or old age?

I cannot even utter a syllable for the moment. I think my throat is ruptured. This is the worst case scenario of shouting everyday for 2 weeks.

And I am not in a good mood, worse even. I hope this will not turn out to be my most miserable birthday of all. Didn't I just received my A-level results? Previously I thought if I have good results I would be very happy during my birthday. But it is not so apparently.

Perhaps I am absolutely a mute now, frustration comes when people ask me questions. I cannot speak. After explaining my condition to them via sign language, they finally understand but they will come back awhile later forgetting I cannot speak at all. I don't bother to entertain them. And the people surrounding me started to label me as "emo", I am not sure it is because of my lack-of-smile expression or the absence of my voice.

Yes, I have lost my speech. Maybe this is the reason why all the negative thoughts start to pile up in my heart. I have no way to pour out, no way to speak to anyone. Suddenly the poor me alone in my own dark world, while everyone seems to be celebrating. I cannot even cry out to God. Never have that voice.

I wonder why is this happening.

If there is an instrument to measure self-esteem, I think it will show negative on me. Pn Malathee was telling me that day, she missed the confident me. She noticed something wrong with me way before I did. You were to congratulate me for the results, but I ended up pouring out my struggles through texts. You said I have changed. You said what Pn Malathee said, the Matthew you knew was pretty confident. This time I was not ashamed to admit I have lost my confidence. I missed it too. I guess you didn't expect me to be so messed up at the moment. You tried to encourage me, but I doubted myself. Again you were amazed how shattered I am. Thank you for your comfort, thank you that you still believe the ever confident Matt will be back once he braves through this difficult time. Congratulate upon your first semester results too.

I know I can climb out of this pit. I know I must. Nobody will know your sorrows and no stranger will share your joy. I must do this on my own. I need hope, I need God.