我想象的妳

新的一年学校开学了，我和学弟学妹们一样，回到了北海钟灵中学。我也是来上课的，只不过我不再是课室里四十多人中的一员，没穿校服没剪平头也没人理。一身西装踏入课室，四十多双锐利的眼神随着我的脚步挪移。到了桌前我抬头眼睛扫视，两排桌椅并肩排成一组，共四组，挂在微黄的后墙上是蓝色布告板，此景阔别两年再次映入眼帘，同学们的问安声响当当地传入耳中。原来，我当起了临教。

回到这所我呆了三年的学校，也许是我中学生涯最后落脚的地方，我别有一番滋味。看着从下午班升上上午班的初中三的学生那么地守规矩，安安份份战战兢兢，想起当年的我也不过如此。那是我连续第三年成为“新生”，照理说应该颇有经验，不过还是严重紧张和欠缺安全感。再加上我妈跟副校长很有交情，深怕自己万一闹出事妈妈就会马上知道，因此刚开学时我表现得很乖巧，衣服塞得整齐，扮一副傻书生样。

那三年的种种，迅速在我脑里播放了一遍。我所坐的座位，上课时的情景，和老师的交谈，和同学们的闹剧，当年她高挑的身影……三年多里我心上的一个人，如今她已名花有主，我也另觅佳人。那三年的痴迷，那三年的追逐，现在仅仅是伴随着那三年记忆的乐曲。

而如今我在那部影片中切切搜寻的画面，是印象中妳清秀的脸庞。我犹如失忆症患者般努力地捡起破碎满地的记忆，企图拼出有妳在的情景。然而那一块始终是空白。

妳也和我同窗三年，不过文静的妳和喧闹的我不曾说过十句话，也许注定毕业后的日子才是属于我们的。对不起我最终的搜寻结果是妳回过头和她说笑的时候，画面也很模糊，但我觉得应该就和妳现在美丽的笑颜差不多。

我拿着教本在课室来回踱步，一面讲课一面揣摩当年的妳。看着同学们上课的百般姿态，心想当年的妳上课是否专心？当年的妳上课是否偷偷干别样？当年的妳会带课本吗？依妳的性格，我想妳绝对不会在乎上一名临教的课，甚至厌烦。对了，还有当时的妳暗恋的是他。

空旷旷的食堂有我一个人吃饭，那些年我们一群少年军警战友所集合休息的地方，现今已是一座办公楼了。那时的我们万众一心，雄心壮志，誓言提升少年军警在学校乃是北海一带的声望。看着眼前的食堂，心里猜想那几年妳和妳的姐妹们都是坐在哪里的，有像我们有个固定的地点吗？是在隔壁的小食堂？还是是附近的石桌椅？我往口里送一口饭，熟悉的味道唤起更深层的记忆。当年的妳下课都吃什么？是云吞面？还是咖喱面？

看来我会在这里呆上几个月。校园里，眼前有陌生的脸孔，脑海有我亲切的妳。过去的回忆补不上妳，未来的记忆少不了妳。

Two O One Four

From one point of view, this transition have never been so fruitful and exciting to me. I thought woe to me this time I had to stay in church for thanksgiving and watch night services. In other words, counting down to the new year in church, without friends. Since I attended the first time I have been finding excuses to skip the church services, either celebrate with friends or rather go to bed early. Ya, you got it right, it is going to be real bored spending such rare occasion on the church bench.

I decided to attend because I couldn't find any good excuses and I was guilty of skipping for several years. On top of that I didn't have the one as company to count down together with me in this so called sweet 1314 transition. Things changed when Clarence told me he would be fetching Angie Loh there. I was like, W-H-A-T? Why on earth would Angie Loh attend? And why watch night service. This was going to be interesting.

Okay, this wasn't her first time to church yet she asked some questions which to us were like why-you-have-two-hands. Thank God the more mature brother in church provided satisfactory answers. And just because Clarence, Amos and Yun Sheng those KDU students were busy with their own stuff and Angie idled with me around in the church, all the aunties and uncles thought we were a couple. Unsurprisingly, my mum was the first to pull me aside and bombard me with questions. "She was your student last time, don't you remember?" I replied in a good manner, not sure if I answered her questions. Everyone thought I brought her to church. My Youth Fellowship friends thrown at me we-suspected-you-have-a-girlfriend-so-here-she-is-huh kind of faces. Come on, my girlfriend would definitely be more gorgeous, if there is one. (Alright Angie if you are reading this line, just want to tell you from my heart you are very pretty as well, some aunties agree with me.)

Sorry Angie that we were so peaceful and chill when the clock hit twelve. We couldn't do much in the church right. Anyway, we went to auto city after the services, where we proceeded to mamak because the restaurants were closed. From there we had a list of our firsts of the year 2014.

First meal of the year, roti kosong with limau ais.

First ride of the year, blue CRV.

First place of the year, Grace Church.

First breath of the year, air.

First mission of the year, waking up Amos.

First mission accomplished of the year, waking up Amos.

My new year's eve was just so fun. Four of us planned to skip the watch night service this year end and find a place to celebrate.

Reached home at 2.30am, knowing well we had the Leader's Retreat to attend at 10.00am back in church.

Ohya, Happy New Year 2014!!

New Year's Eve 2013

How much more can I elaborate for New Year's Eve?

Carpe Diem is the word!

Today is no ordinary day (In fact the same goes for everyday)! It's time to wrap up everything in the year 2013, let go of every mistake and be ready to embrace a brand new 2014!

Finally we are entering a new age, our age will start with 2_ from tomorrow. I think this indicates we are grown ups, we are more mature. Even though we are still pursuing our dreams in respective universities, but I believe as an adult we can achieve more! 

As a Christian I believe each and everyone of us is not created for mediocrity, we are God's masterpiece. It's time to step up guys! Be willing to make the first move. We can make a difference, and we can start now! We are not adolescents any more, nor infants. The difference is, infants are always receiving, but adults are capable of giving. Giving is not all about money, there are more valuable things we can offer other than money, we can share our love, our time, to name a few.

If there are dreams in your heart, I encourage you to make them a reality. Remember, we have the potential, we are formed with a purpose. To change the world, let the change begins within us first. I know it is easier said than done, so let us constantly reflect and check on each other.

Revolution starts with you.

2013年的最后一个星期天

终于来到了年尾，还是疲惫，还是迷茫。

今天的天气很阴凉，是我很喜欢的天气。如此的天气，很想呆在户外，看看蓝天，吹吹凉风，总之不要受到屋里狭小空间的限制，让视野开阔。

然而我整个人一直感到这样的疲惫已经有好一阵子了，一天到晚都想睡。我好像是在努力地偿还从前熬夜的睡眠债，醒了还是累，累了继续睡。也许利息太高了，需要一段时间才能还完。因此，我还是打消了外出的念头，如果稍微有点精神就到阳台透透气吧。

想一想，不想外出的原因是否可以完全归咎于疲惫。我开始喜欢呆在家里，当个宅男。把自己锁在房间里，做自己想做的事情，或看书，或打字，或躺着，不亦乐乎。你可以认为我孤独症复发，而事实是我享受孤独。与世界隔离，少了喧哗，多了宁静。这也许是我内向的表现，正如妳说的，一个人无法像硬币般被定义为内向或外向，而内向不是贬义。内向是个性的一种，不能被断定是成功的阻碍。至于朋友的“随机”邀约，我还是不会抗拒的。

我迷茫，是因为看不见前方的路。明年对我来说，充满着未知数。想打份工，好好磨练自己，却碍于公共服务局为期一个星期的培训营而让时间分配有困难。还有该到哪里留学，虽然现在不由得我选择，但心中对想去的地方存在着矛盾。这时候，只能依靠上帝，凭着信心的眼往前迈开步伐。

我的心，总是在盼望。

汉语的博大精深

“冬天，有多少穿多少；夏天，有多少穿多少。”

“剩女产生的原因有两个：一是谁都看不上，二是谁都看不上。”

“想和某个人在一起的两种原因：一种是喜欢上人家，另一种是喜欢上人家。”

以上三句是摘自《读者》2013第十六期的言论版。你看懂了吗？刚开始大略看过，还以为看漏了字，怎么有两行都在重复。看到标题是“汉语的博大精深”，更加摸不着脑袋了。心想这明明只是乱来的反复修辞手法，而且还带有冷笑话的元素，哪来博大哪来精深啊。由于不甘就这样被蒙在鼓里，所以不弄个明白誓不休。经过反复的阅读和揣摩，终于看懂了！汉语，果然博大精深啊！

你，明白了吗？

Christmas?

3 days more to Christmas! Do I sound excited enough? What am I thinking. It is hard to put it into words. I am contemplating while I am writing this.

Surely Christmas is worth celebrating. We are to commemorate the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ. Admittedly the feeling is getting numb, like it has become a routine. Am I in some sort of spiritual dryness now? This feeling has been started to haunt me since I came back here to the comfort zone, where every meal is taken care of and there is nothing to busy with. I sleep a lot, but every time I wake up I feel weary. I take naps, still I am thinking to bed a few hours later. I guess it's too much sleep itself that causes me the fatigue. Apart from that, I am less disciplined, I am reluctant to get out of bed when it is the time. Feel ashamed to say, I shorten my devotion time.

Well, I must bear in mind the true meaning of Christmas. Celebrate it with the joy from the bottom of the heart, not just singing carols for the sake of singing it. And the same goes with attending church, I believe many Christians attend worship service every Sunday out of routine, judging by the expression of their faces. Don't misunderstand me, I am not judging, for there is no condemnation in Christ. I am just reminding ourselves, expect something in church services, worship the Lord with our hearts. For we serve a living and mighty God, He deserves our best and He longs to hold us close.

Enough preaching. Ha.

The Christmas tree is not set up in my house this year, perhaps we have more shoes to place so there is no space left outside. Since young I like to imagine the snowy night of silent night, so serene and tranquil and peaceful. We have no snow here, but I would like to feel that warmth from the fireplace every year this time, watching movies featuring Christmas on TV. Speaking of this, I particularly like The Polar Express. Many of my imaginations come from that animation. When the movie ends, the clock ticks 12 times signifying it's Christmas day. Phone vibrates and vibrates, blessings are sent in and out through thin air. My mind would drift back to the past, to the things that happened, to the remnants of memory. I would feel melancholic, and sometimes with a touching heart because of the movie I climb into bed.

I think this year would have many things to be remembered. However I guess I will be spending the night in a party. So silent night will not have so much silence. Haha. I am not grumbling, at least this year I try something different.

Merry Christmas! Joy to world! The Lord is come!