2013年的最后一个星期天

终于来到了年尾，还是疲惫，还是迷茫。

今天的天气很阴凉，是我很喜欢的天气。如此的天气，很想呆在户外，看看蓝天，吹吹凉风，总之不要受到屋里狭小空间的限制，让视野开阔。

然而我整个人一直感到这样的疲惫已经有好一阵子了，一天到晚都想睡。我好像是在努力地偿还从前熬夜的睡眠债，醒了还是累，累了继续睡。也许利息太高了，需要一段时间才能还完。因此，我还是打消了外出的念头，如果稍微有点精神就到阳台透透气吧。

想一想，不想外出的原因是否可以完全归咎于疲惫。我开始喜欢呆在家里，当个宅男。把自己锁在房间里，做自己想做的事情，或看书，或打字，或躺着，不亦乐乎。你可以认为我孤独症复发，而事实是我享受孤独。与世界隔离，少了喧哗，多了宁静。这也许是我内向的表现，正如妳说的，一个人无法像硬币般被定义为内向或外向，而内向不是贬义。内向是个性的一种，不能被断定是成功的阻碍。至于朋友的“随机”邀约，我还是不会抗拒的。

我迷茫，是因为看不见前方的路。明年对我来说，充满着未知数。想打份工，好好磨练自己，却碍于公共服务局为期一个星期的培训营而让时间分配有困难。还有该到哪里留学，虽然现在不由得我选择，但心中对想去的地方存在着矛盾。这时候，只能依靠上帝，凭着信心的眼往前迈开步伐。

我的心，总是在盼望。

汉语的博大精深

“冬天，有多少穿多少；夏天，有多少穿多少。”

“剩女产生的原因有两个：一是谁都看不上，二是谁都看不上。”

“想和某个人在一起的两种原因：一种是喜欢上人家，另一种是喜欢上人家。”

以上三句是摘自《读者》2013第十六期的言论版。你看懂了吗？刚开始大略看过，还以为看漏了字，怎么有两行都在重复。看到标题是“汉语的博大精深”，更加摸不着脑袋了。心想这明明只是乱来的反复修辞手法，而且还带有冷笑话的元素，哪来博大哪来精深啊。由于不甘就这样被蒙在鼓里，所以不弄个明白誓不休。经过反复的阅读和揣摩，终于看懂了！汉语，果然博大精深啊！

你，明白了吗？

Christmas?

3 days more to Christmas! Do I sound excited enough? What am I thinking. It is hard to put it into words. I am contemplating while I am writing this.

Surely Christmas is worth celebrating. We are to commemorate the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ. Admittedly the feeling is getting numb, like it has become a routine. Am I in some sort of spiritual dryness now? This feeling has been started to haunt me since I came back here to the comfort zone, where every meal is taken care of and there is nothing to busy with. I sleep a lot, but every time I wake up I feel weary. I take naps, still I am thinking to bed a few hours later. I guess it's too much sleep itself that causes me the fatigue. Apart from that, I am less disciplined, I am reluctant to get out of bed when it is the time. Feel ashamed to say, I shorten my devotion time.

Well, I must bear in mind the true meaning of Christmas. Celebrate it with the joy from the bottom of the heart, not just singing carols for the sake of singing it. And the same goes with attending church, I believe many Christians attend worship service every Sunday out of routine, judging by the expression of their faces. Don't misunderstand me, I am not judging, for there is no condemnation in Christ. I am just reminding ourselves, expect something in church services, worship the Lord with our hearts. For we serve a living and mighty God, He deserves our best and He longs to hold us close.

Enough preaching. Ha.

The Christmas tree is not set up in my house this year, perhaps we have more shoes to place so there is no space left outside. Since young I like to imagine the snowy night of silent night, so serene and tranquil and peaceful. We have no snow here, but I would like to feel that warmth from the fireplace every year this time, watching movies featuring Christmas on TV. Speaking of this, I particularly like The Polar Express. Many of my imaginations come from that animation. When the movie ends, the clock ticks 12 times signifying it's Christmas day. Phone vibrates and vibrates, blessings are sent in and out through thin air. My mind would drift back to the past, to the things that happened, to the remnants of memory. I would feel melancholic, and sometimes with a touching heart because of the movie I climb into bed.

I think this year would have many things to be remembered. However I guess I will be spending the night in a party. So silent night will not have so much silence. Haha. I am not grumbling, at least this year I try something different.

Merry Christmas! Joy to world! The Lord is come!

冲·上·昀·霄

参观空军基地，让我对我国的空军有更深一层的认识。骨子里本来就对自己国家所有的一切存在着偏见，认为国产的绝对不是好东西。说到军队，也觉得无法和国外媲美，心里质疑他们保家卫国的能力。常常有这样的想法：如果我国陷入战争，我们的军队是否可以保护我们。

这一趟让我了解到，对，我国的编队和装备或许不能和美国等国家相比，不过当敌军入侵时，他们还是会不留余力地抵挡及捍卫国土。心中不禁钦佩他们愿意为国家牺牲的精神。除此之外，我再次体会到电影与现实非常大的差距。电影里飞行员出神入化的技术绝对不是那么简单就可使出，总之身在空军基地，感觉和电影里的情节很不同。少了电影的紧张，多了现实的沉闷。

原来，每天早上和傍晚他们都会调派直升机在空中巡逻，也会派战斗机在海面上低空飞行检查油船。几个月前苏禄军入侵沙巴州，部分战斗机就是由北海空军基地派往的。此后听到战斗机起飞降落的轰轰声，不再感到厌烦了。

很基督教的一句话竟然在这里看见。

我国最先进的战斗机

直升机起飞

涨

大家似乎都在热烈讨论大马2013年度汉字——涨。我也来参与参与，给一些拙见。

根据几天前我阅读的新闻，记得参与投选的民众不是很多，明年我该踊跃参与这项有趣的活动。

也许这样的活动无法真正地解决问题，但至少它反映了参与投选民众的心声，可算是一种民意调查。现今社会百物上涨，唯一不涨的是薪水，人民负担越来越重。当然，这种现象不只是发生在马来西亚而已，乃是全球各个角落。

我们这些还在念书的，对“涨”好像没有深刻的印象。物价上涨，我们的零用钱也会涨，父母是不会让自己的孩子饿肚子的。懂事的我们当然不会乱挥霍，有的还会减少开销，为家里出一份力。现阶段我们还无法工作养活自己，此举不是因为穷，只为了表示对父母的感激。其实不需要等到以后赚了钱才报答，现在为父母省一分，也就是报答一分了。当然，父母的养育之恩不是可以用金钱物质来衡量的，时间是我们最宝贵的资产，花在父母身上是应该的。虽然我们会忧心，但毕竟讨生活的担子不是在我们的肩上，我们是无法全然了解“涨”的意义的。

话说回来，这个涨字。如果我念了医学系，五年过后成功脱胎换骨，薪水四千多应该足够。不过，问题就在于我能不能够有薪水拿。大学生毕业就失业已经不是新闻，看来医学生毕业后失业不再是危言耸听了。大马医学生过剩，只怕无法在医院取得实习的机会。现在能做的，除了祈祷，就只有努力地念书和充实自己。那些事，再等个五年吧。

Time

"Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time,you are giving them a portion of your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time."

"Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is 'T-I-M-E'."

"I value you enough to give you my most precious asset - my time." Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love. Jesus modeled this:"Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave Himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins."

- From 'The Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren.

Have been reading this book for a second time. I think I will keep on reading repeatedly, to rediscover, to remind and to remember the answer of the mystical question, "What on earth am I here for?".

Yes, one of the purposes you were created is to love. Once again, today's chapter challenges the common selfish belief of mankind. We are all told to value the time we have since young. This is good of course, but for what purpose? For the benefit of ourselves. We are told to manage our time wisely to achieve more, no matter in studies, in work place etc. But as you know now the most precious and priceless asset you have is time, how does it change the way you spend it? Take a moment to think about it. Will you choose to continue to invest all of it on yourself, or you will choose to build life and relationships with the people you love?

TIME, your greatest gift to give.