Who am I?

I am glad I braved through the tough past two weeks. Sitting for two aptitude tests in two weeks time was pretty exhausting.

I never think of preparing ISAT ( International Student Admission Test ) and UKCAT ( United Kingdom Clinical Admission Test ). I thought since they are aptitude test, the best thing is to show up and take the tests. I only aim to equip myself for the BMAT ( Bio Medical Admission Test ) because I aspire to enter Cambridge University to study medicine.

Things changed when many of friends have taken ISAT and UKCAT. Some of their scores are high. I started to worry about what score I can attain. I decided to prepare for it, driven by peer pressure. I was really discouraged when the questions I attempted were so difficult. I stressed out, until the point of breaking down. I prayed, of course. The cause of the stress is obvious. It is not because I am lack of self confidence, it's because I wanted to be the highest scorer. I don't think I am stupid, but I don't think I am genius as well. I just wanted to have a pretty score sheet.

The result of ISAT is acceptable. I am okay with it since there weren't many questions for practice. Yesterday I sat for UKCAT. I believe I have put in a lot of effort into it, I invested 2 weeks time, I tried as many questions as I could. The outcome is rather disappointing, not because the score itself, but the fact that the score is not directly proportional to my effort.

Again, I believe God is good, all the time. I wanted to Him to bear my burden to me, but at the same time I was reluctant to let go for Him. I over stretched myself, I was trying hard on my own. Lesson learnt. I need to adjust my feelings and carry on.

I shall resume my revision for the finals which are starting in two weeks time. With interview and BMAT roll up together with the finals like a big snow ball coming on my way, I need to God's grace to sustain.

Who am I? I am God's precious creation.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

This song from Green Day was my favourite a few years back.

It constantly reminds me time flies and how many Septembers have past. September represents a new start of academic year of universities in many countries, the end of it perhaps signifies there are 8 months time left to achieve your goals.One should wake up and make use of the time remaining.

In the next September, I shall journey to the place that I dream of. A dream which is fulfilled and the beginning of another one.

望远

考完预试，我回来了。我是带着完全放假的心情回到我的家乡的。从去年回来时行李箱里一半是课本，到如今行李箱里只有一本练习簿，我的思想与心境产生了变化。

这是什么样的变化，该怎么说好呢。就说它是成熟吧。成熟总是伴随着成长，成长就是时间的成果。过去的一年，是我人生刻骨铭心的一段。我打开心扉，接受了人总会改变的事实，不必受制于别人口中一句“你变了”，也不再向往成为另一个老顽童周伯通。不再活在别人的眼里，不再活在自己给自己的框框里。

由于课业的压力，我承认我有点忧郁了。也许我不再像以前一样无乐不作，也许你觉得我最近的笑容消逝了。我不会狡辩，不会解释，因为我成熟了。这是我的过程，就像蝴蝶，我现在在蛹里折腾，等待破蛹而出的惊艳。

话说回来我的忧郁是来自课业，我其实还是一样四处蹦蹦跳跳，笑开怀。就算笑容消失，还有可爱存留。有时你在一些人面前真的不想说笑。

难得游子回乡，不好好陪陪家人，好好休息，真的是有点不孝了。有句话说别把工作带回家，那学生也别把课业带回乡吧。除非你的是读书假，但假如是读书假，也就干脆别回乡了，读书效率会高一些。

说到望远，马条别有一番体会。自中学开始，每逢考试苦读，读得烦了，便起来学古代书生边走边吟，走到阳台，举目一看，美景尽收眼帘。啊，压力少了许多。看看上帝所造的大地花草，心中对上帝的大能称颂连连。抬头望天，无边无际，人算什么。

只可惜考试将近，无法花太多时间倚在阳台上。心里说“考完试后我一定会看个够”。谁知考完试，就觉得站在那里真的是太浪费时间了。怎么在没时间时就希望有些空闲，在空闲时不想做没时间时想做的事。这就是所谓的犯贱？

对了，新的大学名单出炉了，感谢上帝。

加把劲

很快的，预试前奏曲又在耳边响起。然而，这一次美妙的音符里参杂着许多人的哀叹声，老师都来不及赶课了，更何况是学生。

刚出炉的成绩让我再次见证了上帝的同在，凡事交托，心里负担就少了许多。原本以为自己会附和大众的怨声哭诉读不完，却惊讶自己竟能如此淡定。那是马条独一无二的淡定，那是马条不甘随波逐流的傲气。我也读不完，但每天四处哭诉也对考试帮不上忙，反而灭了自己的信心。心里其实没那么压力，觉得尽了自己最大的努力就好，其他的有上帝安排。

我还是会加把劲，用尽浑身力气拼死一战，因为只有这样才算上尽了最大的努力。这不意味着我会废寝忘食地啃，只是不会浪费时间在不必要的事情上。

就让我淡定地陶醉在二零一三年最后一场预试进行曲，享受学生独有的读书甜。

诗意地生活

那天说过，要活得像首诗。我想开始地第一步就是学写诗吧。哈哈。更确实地说，是先学写诗句。最近马华诗人陈强华抄袭台湾诗人鸿鸿一事让大马诗坛蒙上一层阴影，事件的来龙去脉本人不甚了解，无法作出客观评论。不过，个人觉得抄袭的行为是最要不得的。创作者的第一条诫命就是“不可抄袭”吧？


好了，暂不谈让大马华人羞愧的事。且让大马文坛新秀拨开乌云，让太阳光芒四射，也顺道恭祝友族们开斋节快乐：
宁荟：我有悔，悔在一直追逐华丽无实的面具，忽略了那无华真诚的心。
一人一句，珠连成诗。这玩意儿的开始是马条在推特看见有人犯上”少年不识愁滋味为赋新词强说愁“症而仿拟作出回应。以本人那句作为结尾最适合不过了。
曾经满到爆的自信，是时候再度引爆了。


宇安：我有梦，梦在一直追逐遥不可及的理想，忽略了老师讲课的用心。宁荟：我有歌，歌在一直萦绕着沸腾的意念，忽略了平日淡定的心。宇安：我有话，话在一直围绕着无聊的概念，忽略了炎日烦躁的心。振和：我有心，心在一直惦念那排徊的过去，忽略了天真活泼的她。倩宜：我有惑，惑在谁是振和那天真活泼的她，忽略了原本应该专研生物的决心。乐怡：我有笑，笑在无需彩排的嘴角上扬，忽略了字与词间隐藏的玄机。佳盈：我有泪，泪在风雨之间的片刻回忆，忽略了当初奔向梦想的那份憧憬。
少芬：我有诗，诗在犄角旮旯无处不在流窜乱逛，忽略了所谓梦所谓理想所谓世俗。
宁荟：我有钟，钟在电光火石间的萍水相逢，忽略了其他默待的一世情缘。
宇安：我很帅，帅在由内心散发出十足的信心，忽视了昏暗一隅嫉妒的眼神。

Whistle While I Work It

The struggle remains.

The conflict is there.

The more I love the more it hurts. I thought I am regulating well, until the flashbacks started to distract me from studies. Have been trying hard to be indifferent, to force myself to remember how bad you are. It seems like this is the only way, it's the mechanism triggered by my mind after all the pain you gave. I say it is a mechanism, because I didn't formulate it, it occurs naturally, just like the immunity you acquired after you recovered from a flu. Your body needs to do something to prevent you from getting harm easily. I suppose this applies to your mind as well. A greater pain comes, when love reaches that point, when the root of our apocalypse is uncovered.

You have been good, you are better. However my mind remains defensive. I realize I become bad in treating you. It is like the reverse of you and me. I consciously become selfish. I am cruel. Am I taking revenge? I constantly remind myself. I ought not to. The Lord teaches us to forgive as He have forgiven all our iniquities. I think I have let go all the past, but sometimes they just rise from bottom suffocating you.I am a romantic guy, I love to give surprises. But I think my passion in doing this is quenched by you after 1 year.

You can't do what I want. We both know the reason why. You have stated your stand. I understand absolutely. I am still finding the balance point. My love is buried deep down, by the hands of myself. I am working on it, while I whistle.