Monday 20 August 2012

我,回来了

再次造访荒芜的部落,看着毫无生气的土地,曾经细心灌溉的园地,如今遍布荆棘杂草。

我不能怪旱季来临,也不能怪雨季到来。我、真、的、没、时、间。这个看似最合乎情理的理由,此时此刻却一点说服力都没有。人们太容易产生联想,也许是喝太多含有DHA成份的牛奶,脑细胞连接得太多所致。

我真的没什么时间足够让我上上网。在那里的一个多月,虽然我有超快的UNIFI,总觉得我已和世界断轨。伦敦奥运会如火如荼地进行着,我却连今届奥运的标志也没看过。唯一参与这四年一度体坛盛事的项目,也是令人惋惜的羽毛球男单决赛而已。此外,众所周知一篇华文的帖子须耗上我至少三个小时。石头总算见证了我用上五个小时来完成上一篇。也许是我的打字速度太慢,或是我的表达能力差,但我个人认为我是为了“质”,而非“量”。怎么说起话来越来越像职业作家了,不,是专业艺术工作者。哈哈。要我图文并茂、一行字成一篇帖我实在办不到。我没有批评任何人的意思,这个部落是自由的,要怎么自我表达让世界听见是个人的事,林某不便过问。我觉得,一篇文章总该有开场白、有结尾,才算完整。偶尔(或常常)离离题也不错。

话说回来,除了“没有时间”这个很烂却又很可以让人从一切责任中逃脱的借口,其实,我有人要陪呢。但这绝对不是主要原因,写出来纯粹是为了肯定大家心里的猜测,满足大家那种“成功破案”的感觉。

趁着假期有闲暇,经过部落时就停下了脚步,就拿起锄头耕耘起来了。

对了,

我的艺术作品还不错吧,右手写的哦。
第一次离开父母亲那么久,第一次真正体验游子回乡的心情。嗯,这感觉,挺不错。我打从心里不想让它在心里泛滥,因为我知道过了七天我又要回去了。

这一次回来,不能说我还是之前的我。我摆脱了幼稚(不确定?),或许我该说我放下了幼稚吧。活了几十年,责任这一词汇挂在嘴边就好,甚至有时幼稚地觉得不负责任会很有个性。这一趟,责任感重了,开始时会扛不来。我的第一个十八岁(男生不会像女生一样贪婪地希望自己永远十八,有几次就好),我成人了,我一个人离乡背井,我一个人做决定,我一个人(截至二零一二年七月中)独自旅行到处走走停停吃吃饭。迎新周时,我们就被告知我们必须对所做出的每个决定负起全责。我开始展现出几十年前我不曾有过的特质,开始觉得家人最重要,开始不想卷入纷争,开始不去别人比较,自己跟自己比就好,开始停止做幼稚的动作(可能有时还会有)。更具体地说,就如QQ说的一样,对周遭的一切(自己的原则、爱好等)有点漠不关心,不会再出现极端的情绪,变得淡定了。

而妳的出现,加速了这一切的进程。

这次回来和好久不见的朋友们聚一聚,大家都有说不完的故事,好不热闹。曾经被批太闷太冗长没进展的故事,最终结了局。就在大家期待续集开拍之际,剧本突然更改了。其实,片名也改了,女主角也换了。这一突如其来的转变加上戏剧性的开头,虽然让人措手不及,但首播收视率极高。恐怕这一部不会像上一部充满惊喜与盼望,少了曲折的剧情,少了一个人孤独的等待,少了悲哀,少了遗憾。这一部,会更亮眼。说真的,男主角会和女主角在一起是不曾有过的念头。套一句柯藤的话:“我如果认真起来,连我自己都会害怕。”我很认真,真的。

回家的感觉真好,躺在舒服的床上,回到熟悉的环境。我格外珍惜和家人相处的时刻,尤其是我妈妈,更要爱她多一些。回到家的第一天就让她睡不着,我由衷地愧疚。前面我提到我成人了,但孩子在父母眼中永远长不大这句话是真的。她担心我还小,她说我幼稚。从她的反应,我知道最好的证明不仅仅是成绩单而已。每个人都讶异怎么发展得这么快,我妈更不用说了。有时觉得她有点兴奋,时而却流露出忧伤;感觉得到她对我的信任,但叮咛嘱咐不曾停过。更多的时候,她在吃醋?只想说,妈,我永远爱您。

都回到这里了,不提和朋友们的事会被讨伐的。一个多月,每个人都变了。怎么个变法?对,就是都老陈些了。可能是有了些历练了吧。老人们榕树下石桌旁品茶说天下;我们呢餐厅里一杯鲜茶谈生活。老朋友们这样子聚一聚,是件很高兴的事。回家的第一个早上,就被约走吃早餐。其实我也很想念大家,就像大家非常地想念我一样。但是,想念也不一定要常常说出口是吧。我从来都很少说的呀。我想我们的友谊已远远超出这一层面。

他们说我回来了却心不在焉,想妳了?




6 comments:

♥ Neri said...

welcome back to malaysia! wait i meant penang lol. what am i saying. anyways, i thought i should leave my mistake up there to show you how silly i am lol.

i never expect that your story's female lead would change so QUICKLY. but truth is, weww i'm happy for you! so far i havent been bombarded with all your stories with her yet but i look forward to. i suppose jing might get crazy with your stories soon hahaah!

anyways i understand your mother's concern, but dont worry she;ll soon let go of the worry because you're starting to become more mature, understanding and caring :) your changes have been positive so far and hopefuully you can keep up with that :)

all the best in everything x

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

Haha.you are not silly la Neri.Sometimes I will think I am in a place which is far away from home too.Hehe.

Ohhh.What's your reaction?Some of them shouted, cheered and Ah Jing ran to her mum when she heard it.Haha. Different reactions lol.

Don't worry I will tell you when you come back. Even though I feel like record it down so I don't have to repeat N times.XD It all started from a cyberspace called Blogger.XP

Thanks for your consolation Neri, she is still in the phase of accepting that as far as I observed.haha.

Same to you!All the best in everything!!=)

MrMingBoy. said...

My reaction was,
wow, good for Matt, at last he gets something..

and second thought, what will happened to me/we after that? :O

p/s: happy for you, but got it? :D

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

Haha,thanks Mingboy!

What la, come on, I won't forget you all la, won't neglect all my dear friends either. They say one will lose 2 friends for every relationship, but I don't want that to happen to me. QQ did not too.

You all must know what, knowing me for some decades dy. I value friendships more.XD I won't ditch old friends when I found new ones here. It goes that too for Xin Yun. Just don't feel shy or embarrass to join Xin Yun and I kay. Don't avoid us.

♥ Neri said...

ahhh matty. i shall always remember that- hmm 2 friends lost for one relationship? i wanna test that out someday LOL!

HAHA! i cannot wait to hang out with all of you :) oh did it start from blogger??!! what's her link?:)

i have a lot to hear from you, and hopefully you've adjusted yourself to KL study-relax-all-balanced-mode now:)

talk soon :) x

Jermaine said...

I miss everyone man TT TT...I want to all of us to be together like how we did....TT TT this is so bad TT TT