Monday 14 May 2012

我,错了


《25 分钟》,单单歌名而已就已经让我觉得很不同,很有创意,让人感慨。这一首歌应该是经典金曲之一吧,曲很好听,歌词不只琅琅上口,也有意义。除此以外,《25分钟》会让人不住地想为什么不是二十四,或二十六,偏偏要二十五?

虽然大家对我的歌声很有意见,在我喊歌的时候也忍不住想拿东西堵住我的嘴巴,但是实力派的歌声哪里可能想堵就堵?

伏尔泰有一句名言:“虽然我不同意你的观点,但我誓死捍卫你说话的权力。”  所以我说,虽然你不想听我的歌声,但请尊重我表达自己的权力。喊歌,对我这种富有情感的人而言,是我无法在言语上深刻表达的时候的真情流露。我喊歌给你听,从来不是要你陶醉,只是要你明白我的心情。当然,你们可以继续骂我。虽然你不想听我的歌声,但我誓死捍卫你批评的权力。至于那些被我选中的歌……歌手们,我不是有意糟蹋。因此,为了弥补你们内心的创伤,我会努力地喊,让大家听见,帮忙宣传。

好了,别兜了。

25分钟……25分钟……

一个25分钟……两个25分钟……

今天我蹲在那里,听着你们的谩骂。是,我活该。

对,是我先伸出手;是我亲口应允。我不能说我无辜,我不能逃脱责任,我不能怪罪于一个字。当称赞我长大了的掌声还没消失,我却过于情绪化,我却来个大叛逆,的场合,在的时间,在的人面前。那一天,我接二连三地错了再错。深陷其中,不只没有丝毫懊悔,反而乐在其中?原来我并不是不知道我在干什么,只是不想去理会,放纵情绪。QQ的确不只一次地提醒我得控制,不要玩过火。

真的很感谢你们这班朋友。曾经一封平平淡淡的简讯,就让你猜透我的心思。这回,同样的,在我需要的时候电话响起。我欠你太多,不是一餐又一餐的饭能报答的。说声对不起,昨天让你紧张了。记忆里,你们每一个都是第一时间关心我,不必等我开口。那天过后,受到许多慰问短讯。

这两天谢谢你陪我度过,谢谢你的苦口婆心,谢谢你的金玉良言,虽然我那天晚上完全没听进去你的劝告。我真的一直认为我很清醒,不会玩过火,却忘了当局者迷,旁观者清,忽略了你发出的警告。

今天,在一波又一波的谩骂中,我终于醒了,我终于承认我的失败,承认我的错误。对不起,你们不知费了多少口舌,才成功把我骄傲铸成的城墙一层层地击垮。我从来没有这样的自责过。还记得你第一次骂我的时候骂到词穷,现在却如此顺口,证明我一直挨你的骂。曾经答应你和捏你我不会再让你们失望,今天我却看到了你绝望的脸孔。你愤怒地说我和我昔日的对手没有两样。

别人对我的失望,我伤得最重。

而你,上上个星期我们在你家外面坐在车上聊了一个小时多。你说了那么多,我终于决定不要放弃,却选错了继续战斗的方法,对不起。

可能已经来不及了,我彻底地溃败?我道歉,妳不怪我,并不是妳已原谅,而是妳从来没在乎。我好比看着空空的羊牢,被人骂了才恍然大悟。此时补牢,是否未为迟也?我不愿在最后一次面对妳的时候,听到的是“抱歉你已晚了25分钟”?

其实,不必等到那一天,我已猜到妳的答案。或许我应该听见妳亲口说才算圆满大结局,但我觉得没有必要那么戏剧性吧,也没有必要那么执著。想想我应该说什么。是请让我继续喜欢妳吗?好熟悉的对白……误了几代人。我不期待什么,我没有期待的资格。这一次我不是放弃,真的,而是引咎告别。

就算羊群死光了,我还是会去把牢补。朋友们,放心吧,我不会因为别人叫我去我就随便去追别人的,你们又不是第一天认识我。丧失了理智,我的责任感还在。

我醒了,我错了。说妳该说的吧。

"To tell her I love her, 
and I'm sorry about the things I've done.
Against the wind, I'm going home again.
Wishing me back to the time when we were more than friends."








12 comments:

♥ Neri said...

matthew it's okay. your biggest weakness, i have to say, is what you've admitted in this post. and yes true you should appreciate that bunch of friends who accept you for who you are, even though it means constantly having to remind you of your wrongdoings/ attitudes. be grateful and now that you know what you've done wrong, don't repeat the same thing because one day this mistake would ruin you.

and only close friends can forgive you because we know you're like that, but others who have to judge you based on first impressions wouldn't take it like how we do, so for your own sake, put your pride down sometimes :)

p.s this is a really good song!!!

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

NERI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really wish that you would be here!!

Argh, I am not good at learning from mistakes you know that. I am not get used to failure.

You are sure in a blur of what's happening right?I hope Ah Jing will enlighten you.Hahaha.

You are coming back in June right, I am waiting for your lecture.=(

Sorry, I can't promise I won't disappoint you all again, I don't want to make empty promises any more.

Just let me alone to bear it, after all the hard times and struggle, I will rise up and soar up high again as usual.A new me is in processing.Stay tuned!XD

Please, accept my smile.=)

♥ Neri said...

MATTHEW YOU ARE WORRYING ME!! WHAT'S WRONGGG?!!!!!!! TELL MEEEE :) OMG YOU KNOW THE FEELING OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE NEXT TO YOU GUYS WHEN MOST IN NEED IS KILLING !!!

this is SO NOT YOU!I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THISSSSS :(:(:(
BEAR WHAT?!

YOU KNOW 有福同享有难同当SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

i cannot accept your smile if there is a possibility of you wounding internally :(:(

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

NEEERRRIIII!!!!

I really wish you are here.

Yala, this is it what.Haha. This should be the right respond.XD I was wondering you can know what happened just by the 2 posts?wow!hahaha.

What this is so not me lah. Never seen me how??Never seen me so discouraged??What lah, faster tell me, you know I hate people say I am changed negatively.Hahaha.

Bear everything lor. Haiya, don't worry lah, the bunch of good friends you mentioned (I mentioned too in the post) have shared with me too. 我有难就一定会让大家一起当的。hahahaha.

Accept my smile lah~no possibility of making me cry even harder. It's true. Accept it ba, as a sign of acknowledgement I will stand up again.XD

Neri!!!!!Wish you were here.

♥ Neri said...

mygosh AM SO GUILTY RIGHT NOW! IT IS SUPER HORRIBLE WHEN I KNEW SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT BUT THEN I DONT GET TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT OK! no matter how smart i am i also cannot kena bullseye straight away T-T INFINITY!

yeah la you you nan tong dang but not with me though!! i know explaning to me might bring up the problems again which you probably wouldnt wanna go through again, but still :( haiya its okay! whatever it is, i dont think its that badd until the end of the world like that right, so use the end of the world as an example to be positive la. you know you're best at being optismistic dont you!:)

i sound so retarded trying to cheer you up hahahahah

sure fail x 99 rite. its ok. hahah you keep saying you're smiling like a retarded fool, hahahha maybe you're, but i'm still not convinced yet! because this time your posts reflect your feelings so much it's impossible to describe leh.

I WISH I WAS THERE. I REALLY WISH!!!!!!! Let's not say wish shall we because I WAS/AM THERE, though not physically :)

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

NERI!!!!!

No need to be guilty la k~you are good enough, your comfort from so far away is more than enough!Thanks!

Don't say til so qi liang lah, I want to share with you of course but you are away physically and I think it is not appropriate to say it here in a so public place. I will sure tell you when you come back don't worry it won't hurt.

Yah, it is not that bad until the end of the world. But it is the end of my world though, a new world in creation.XD ya, I think now I am even better in being optimistic!!

No, you are not retarded at all!=) you did cheer me up.

Ya ya, I was too sentimental in these 2 posts. Anyway, 说出这些不开心的事就是要让大家开心一下right.=) First time I truly admire someone, and first time I truly admit I am wrong.

Ya, actually it is really no big deal lah, you don't worry so much about Matty k. Although I am still a little charming boy, I think I can handle this.Hahaha!Furthermore 2nd of July I will be definitely not here dy. Too bad Neri!I think we must meet up everyday when you come back in June!

It doesn't kill me really,and I am stronger right now,as in "What doesn't kill you make you stronger!Stand a little taller!"XDD

Okay, you were here.okay?hahaha.

Acknowledge that I am smiling!

♥ Neri said...

i realized you start ALL OF YOUR REPLIES WITH

NERIIIII!!!!

mygosh. haha.anyways, jing has filled me in basically which explains all the DMs and etc. i'm not mad at you, i'm a little disappointed though for your actions. but it's fine, i mean your actions are not wrong, but it is defined wrong in the context you're in. get me?

you don't have to hold back your feelings all the time but sometimes you have to see whether or not it's appropriate ok?

and no silly. you clearly know it's not the end of the world, i would never say so, but then the attitude you have in terms of creating a new world seems alright to me so i shall let you go on this :) instead of persisting in my criticism xD

wow these days, in such a short time, you've experiences so many first-times it must be really overwhelming but i think you handled it pretty well (with the wise advices from them!) hahaha~

still i have to remind you that,

DON'T LET YOUR HEART(feelings) take control of your mind when you're involved in emotional situations seriously! you can listen to advices, but seriously the way you feel towards certain matters during the point when it's so emotional should not have any sort of influence in your decision making in important matters,because afterall, it's your life you're betting on, you're the controller (well besides God okay).

it's normal when you're very down,upset, depressed, you tend to make irrational decisions which you might regret for life. but you know you have to be wise.you're wise, so use your wisdom wisely:)

eg. as your bestie, i ask you to go after someone you don't like, dont do it because i'm your bestie. this is just an example which i hope you get to understand what i'm trying to convey. you're smart you'll figure it out!:)

ps sorry for such public notice, don't mind right? heee

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

NERIII!!!!

yeah,I yelled you name because I really hope I can hear the comforting high pitch voice answering me back.

And, I consider my actions were wrong, dead wrong!I shouldn't do such things.really.

Ya, I will definitely move on. I will focus on studies!I hope one day I can land on UK as a scholar!yeah!!My dream!

Overwhelming?yah,sort of. Every morning I will stare at something for some time and I am like urging the time to go faster.Haha. By the way I think I am okay with it right now. The impact is over.Just waiting the final call, if it will come.=)

I am reposition myself on the wide deep sea of life now. Ready to begin the next sail, sailing against the wind!!XD

Don't worry, I won't do anything asked by people no matter who she is before a good consideration.And, your example, it's reaaallllyyyyy covering things up!=P It is sooooo unfathomable that I used 3 minutes to figure it up.hahahaha.

It's okay, I won't mind you post this here.Haha.=)

Thank you Neri!!!

少芬 kee said...

知错能改,善莫大焉! :P

♥ Neri said...

my used-to-be highpitched voice has now became very manly and sexy~ you should know why. you're smart heeee~

anyways yup hopefully you'll get to UK one day and realise your dreams :) i cannot wait for that to happen!

hahahah my example so awesome right you know i'm nice :P
AND YOU'RE VERY WELCOME :)

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

谢谢老师的训言,条儿铭记在心。XD

Dë~3MusketEErz said...

Hahaha,it's because you are a cheerleader? Actually your high-pitched voice also ends with a low sound.Haha.

I really do hope that wish will come true.XD I need to work really hard for that when college starts.

Of course you are nice lah Neri!!

THANK YOU AGAIN!=)