三月底

我自己发现，这个月我都在数算日子。

三月初、三月中、三月底。

我痛苦地活着，却仍在痛苦中寻找一丝快乐。

人生依旧很长，委婉、迷茫。

我只能好好过眼前的每一天，不做他想。

那一晚，梦见我们复合，差点从梦中惊醒。

三月中旬

我国实施行动管制令的第四天，我珍贵的休息日也就这样泡汤了。我一向来都喜欢和朋友聚会，就算想独处，也会在外找个咖啡厅坐坐。今天也只能呆在屋里。

早上给自己准备了早餐，想按照计划做家务然后看看书。结果一躺在床上就“昏迷”，要说熟睡也不是，就是昏昏沉沉，处于一种迷离的状态。醒来之后就点了外卖。这还是我头一次叫外卖，之前都比较喜欢到外用餐。

做了些家务，洗了澡，是时候看书了。等一下如果忍不住就开车到麦当劳买冰激凌。

我设想如果我必须呆在家十四天的话会是如何。可能几天过后就会疯了。可能可以趁这个机会读很多书。可能可以看很多电影。问题在于我身边没有家人。但是如果有家人可能会有磨擦。

昨晚打电话回家，和阿姨及父母聊了几句。自从知道他们每天都在等我的电话后，我就会在休息日拨电给他们。不知怎么的，昨天我差点脱口要阿姨把电话交给外婆。还记得以前都是这样，和阿姨说了几句就会轮到外婆。一年多了，对外婆的记忆并没有半点模糊。她生前的叮咛，还是一直在我耳边萦绕。

在妇产科呆一个月了，还有三个月。现在是时候开始准备测验了，接下来的休息日可能都要用来念书，真是悲哀。我有时会想努力地让自己变成一个好医生，但是有时只想拖着脚步上下班过日子。

昨晚，我随性地用电脑看电影。那时却想起我和她刚在一起时每个星期五晚上都会一起看一部电影。也偶然想起会有环保快吃薯片的她。

一分钟认识，一小时喜欢，一天爱上，一辈子忘记。我从前就意识到，身边的人会随着季节而更换。人生的每个阶段都会有不同的社交群，不必纠结中学时代的死党。我却不曾想过，她也会变成我生命里的过客。

Notes on Talking to Strangers

I definitely enjoy reading Malcom Gladwell’s books. It’s interesting to explore and make sense of human interactions and psychology. I first stumbled across his books last year in the library. The first one I read was David and Goliath. Subsequently I read Blink and The Tipping Point. I made notes on the first two books for each chapter, but due to some reasons I did not jot down anything for the last.

It’s worth mentioning because of Blink I started to reevaluate my love relationship, to a certain extent it precipitated the break up which was proved detrimental to me.

I was surprised to see his latest book while browsing at a bookstore and I bought it without hesitation. Here I’m going to summarise what I have learnt from the book.

First of all we all would agree it’s hard to make sense of strangers because we do not know about them. While in Blink, Gladwell talked about thinslicing which to me it’s like your innate hunch towards anything. I guess that’s how I interact with strangers too. And we always talk about how important it is to give a good first impression. We look at their body language and make inference out of it.

The three major points are default to truth theory, transparency and coupling. As human, we tend to believe whoever we are dealing with is honest. This is the crucial trust that we need to maintain an effective society. For myself, I rarely counter check the change I get after a payment. I assume it is the correct amount. I don’t always doubt what people say. Even though sometimes question raised against a person, we tend to trust the person until the point of which we couldn’t do it anymore.

Secondly, we believe people around us are transparent. As in, people show emotions outwardly according to what they feel inside. I guess this is what learnt since young. When people are lying they will avoid eye contact, fidgeting and restless. I would say in our culture most of them is true, but not all. There are people who are shy and have been avoiding eye contact all the time. Those are mismatched situations which will impair our judgement towards the stranger. Also, emotions are not universal. An example given in the book is a Middle Eastern terrorist showed no remorse because he was defiant instead of crying and repenting. It could just because of his cultural background, man shall not show signs of weakness in all circumstance.

Thirdly, behaviours are coupled to context. Suicide is coupled to the method used. Contrary to what we believe, those who have suicidal intention will not go all the way out to die. They have a preferred method. If the means to that method are removed, they are less likely to commit suicide. For example, if someone wants to suicide by jumping of a bridge, installing a safety net will deter the person from committing suicide. Our ‘common sense’ will tell us the person will find another bridge or try jumping of a building. But studies have shown this is not the case.

Well, am I better in talking to stranger after reading this book? I guess my take home message is: not judge a stranger quickly. It’s good to know the stranger a bit more. However, my hunch has been pretty right towards strangers. Maybe I will still go along with it.

三月份

在妇产科的日子实在难熬。我目前还在产房值班。由于产房是妇产科的重心，住院医师和专科都全天候轮流守着病房。在这里值班，就等同于在他们的严控之下，压力不小。我很不喜欢这种感觉，有时很空闲，却非得装得很忙碌，才不会让他们觉得我们无所事事。有时想要歇息一会儿也不行。

我每天醒来都不想上班，也无可奈何。每天就是不停地看表，期待准时下班的时候。每天上班都心惊胆跳，深怕做错了什么事被责骂，如果有更大的错误有官司的风险。

我实在不晓得我的精神方面还能撑多久。

我每天都尝试转换心情和想法，却很难驱散乌云。

希望能够安稳地度过这几个月，虽然接下来的部门也都不好过。