医学一年级生的诗

上大学念医学系，生活还是要继续。

吃喝玩乐少不了，时间挤挤就有了。

夜半三更灯不熄，其实大家在游戏。

生理药理心理学，解剖一刀就见血。

从早读书读到晚，到底几时才读完。

还来不及穿白袍，一身毛病不能逃。

既然无法换跑道，还是趁早读书好。

——废材医学生的独白，大力用肺哼出的诗。

拉惹乌达街走九遍

耳　聽見的每首歌曲　都有我的悲

眼　看見的每個昨天　都有你的美

腳底下踏的曾經你我的點點

我從日走到夜　心從灰跳到黑

穿過陌生人潮搜尋你的臉

有人走的匆忙　有人愛的甜美

有时候就是喜欢一直唱经典歌曲。这一回给我找到了动力火车。希望他们能给我一些推动力。

马来西亚好像没有一条忠孝东路，我该在哪一条路走九遍呢？

八打灵街？

不好，没常去，没感觉。

拉惹乌达街也许是最佳的选择了。我就住在街边，我就读的小学也在这条街，中学也离这条街不远。更重要的一点是，我曾经徒步走过几次哦。

好吧，找一个风和日丽的上午，就在这北海最热闹的大街走上九次吧！然后再往自己身上倒一桶冰水。

事后，所有的忧愁是否会烟消云散，所有的记忆是否会停止翻腾？

Movies

I sort of starting to return to my previous routine, which is paying a visit to the cinema on every Friday. By previous I mean 2 years ago. Since I started A levels I developed the habit of watching a movie on every Friday, whether it is in the cinema or on my Vaio, cuddling someone. However, months later the routine was stopped, perhaps due to the stress of perceived tough examinations and lack of appealing films.

This time, I come to a point which I must squeeze the movie slot in even though I have a very tight schedule. You can say the condition is desperate, or in a more negative sense, chronic. Why. Is it to release stress? I would feel even more stressful after watching one. I don't know what am I searching for. Again, I am lost. I hate to have such Friday routine again, I just don't want to do stuff the way I did last time. I do laundry on a different day, I avoid taking public bus, I cut my nails on weekdays. I even try to phase out the clothes I used to wear. Psychologically, I am hoping that with a different routine I could block out some memories.

Maybe subconsciously I am searching for meaning. My mind and body wander aimless following the crowd. To the lecture theater, to the cafeteria. 

Movies provide an escape from the real life. So often I want to let go and run away. But the problem is, where can I run to. When each movie is coming to the end, my heart is filled with emptiness again.

I came to a conclusion that some wounds can never be healed, move on and live with it is the only way. However, I am not acclimatized to carry it with me yet. Anyway, I am preparing for the day to come, it could be my worst day ever in this year, maybe slightly better than the day I had earlier this year. Garnering all the courage and be there for you on that day. Sometimes you just couldn't let someone down, even if it means you might not have any pieces of you left. Just buck it up.     

新学期

无穷尽的假期都不够，你说为期三周的假期会足够吗？

这次订了一大早的班机，是准备一抵达就赶往医学院上课的。虽然这并不是很明智的选择，但秉着“你只活一次”的疯狂，还是没有他想的订了。也许在那个时候不想回的心情已经深深地根深在我的潜意识里。差点赶不上班机只是不想回的另一个表现。

哦，对了。我又差一点就赶不上班机了。不知好歹的我勇敢地订了上午6时50分的航班，却在5时30分睡醒。匆忙地感到机场时已是6时30分，服务柜台关闭了。所幸有另一名搭客快我一步，为我挡住了被数落的第一波。

开始时我只是大步地走，到了关卡才发现身份证掉了。在走过的路上一路寻，在位于机场另一边的柜台寻获。此时大家似乎都登记了，我只好撇下我亲爱的妈妈奋力地奔跑。在机场奔驰我还是头一回，从前我都是从容不迫地游走于中。穿梭在人群中，有种想逃离过去的感觉。在这一栋豪华的建筑物里，冷不只是皮肤的知觉，还有心里上的折磨。人来人往，互不相识。抵达的脸上的笑容灿烂无比，离开的，有的兴奋，有的伤感。以前搭飞机时就不喜欢机场所带来的感受，现在更加不喜欢了，甚至厌恨。脑海里拖着大行李，微带不舍的心情向父母招手，然后缓步进入国际出境厅的画面注定无法在现实上演。

身上散发喜乐气息的看来就只有我那双红色Skechers跑步鞋。或许应该感谢它的轻盈，让我顺利地奔上了飞机。

回到了那个房里，熟睡中的室友对我的出现没有反应。我努力地压抑忧郁，却还是失败了。把身体抛在床上，忧郁在狭小的房间迅速蔓延。这不是我要的生活。

第一堂课是关于这学期的简介，该读什么，会考什么。我仿佛回到了第一天上课的时候，很想非常想的夺门而出。说我是败者吧，我已忘了胜利。真的吗？我才熬过了一个学期？

但我是不会让我的父母失望的，还有我家里的医生们！

现在只能从我拥有的打造我最完美的未来，谱写我最亮丽的人生。在这一个呕心沥血的过程中，我需要一个激励源，源源不绝地推动我。

那个泉源，会是谁？会是什么？