新春快乐

正好十年前，我与家人身在澳洲柏斯度过我人生中第一次在国外的农历新年。那一年，年夜饭我们吃什么我已经忘记了。那时候科技无法和今日堪比，我虽然有了Skype账户，但在异国没有个人电脑。印象中我不会觉得很悲伤。大年初一时，我们一样换上了新衣裳，却无处可去拜年。

那一次回国以后，我以为我日后大学时期一定会年年在国外过年……

说来也真凑巧，十年之后我又在国外过年。不同的是，我今年身在北半球，没有家人，没有新衣裳。也许正是这样，我觉得异常地孤独。在近日地自省中，我发现自己近年来愈来愈承受不了一些事情，譬如说孤独。我了解到这些感受的形成不是因为身处异地，在新山时就曾经出现。孤零零一个人，没能够与人互动。原来我真的需要人与人之间的互动。这几天里，我都是独自一人在台北游走，看到其他人都全家出动，更加凸显我的孤寂。

今年的年夜饭，至少还有一位朋友在离开与家人团聚前和我一起在员工餐厅享用。员工餐厅推出的年夜饭特餐，是平时双倍的价格（相较于外面的餐厅还是很便宜），没有我们想象中的美味。用餐时连电视机都没开，没有贺岁歌曲，没有新春布置，用餐的人也不多。这一顿年夜饭，是我用手剥开芦柑时才感受到一丝新春气息。饭后，我依着我们家最近六年的“新传统”，在网上收看《央视春晚》，沾上了比较浓烈的新年味儿。

虽然我在台北过年，气氛应该不比国内差。结果错了。之前在当地小组聚会里有台湾人好奇地问我们马来西亚华裔是怎么地过年的。这是我头一次被问这样的问题，而且还是在台湾这个以华人为主的地方，有点奇怪及错愕，当下脱口而出：“就和你们一样啊“。朋友说我当时的回答有点失礼。有人说其实马来西亚华人过年的气氛会比中国台湾来得浓郁。我后来也领略了。这几天我在台北穿梭，还没看见舞狮舞龙和听见敲锣打鼓。可能我刚好在的地方都没有吧。不过，在除夕夜还是有听见鞭炮声。还记得当年在柏斯新年还看得见舞狮的表演呢。

另外值得一提的是，大家也许注意到我都一直说“新年”。原来在台湾，以华人为主的社会，大家都不会像在马来西亚说“农历新年”。新年期间，这个差异在朋友互传的贺词中更加明显。在马来西亚这个多元民族的社会，新年泛指阳历新年，我们还有农历、回历及其他的新年。因此，在节庆时大家都会说得仔细些。我在台北生活了几个星期，也发现其他用词的差异，下次再分享。

在我一个人旅行途中，看见了其他孤独的身影，大部分是属于白人的。这时候，我告诉自己要学习他们的独立，毕竟我是一个人地来到这个世界，以后也只能一个人离开。孤独是无可避免的，应该要把握机会珍惜与自己相处的时间，好好地和自己生活。

迎接孤寂

今年一开始，觉得今年对我来说是旅游年。我将会到几个我没到过的地方去短暂居住。当我和其他朋友提起我今年的行程时，大家都报以羡慕的眼光。就算没有羡慕，也会露出惊叹。老实说在出发前我是满怀期待的。今年会是一场冒险，就算不会太华丽。为此我做了准备：买了新电脑。我认为轻薄的新型电脑将给我带来方便。

客观来说，到目前为止我也经历许多美好的事。譬如说我上周爬了雪山，见识了这里的医疗设备，游玩了好几个不错的景点。可是，我往往在出发前忘了，不高兴的事也会在等着我。

由于我自小连续三年读了三所学校，我自认自己的适应能力比别人强。因此，我以为今年要在一年里呆几个地方应该没问题。我好像错了。在台北一个星期后，我就想天哪我还要多呆六周。虽然台北和槟城的环境不会有太大的差异，但这是身处异地的问题。是身处异乡的孤单，是身处异乡的寂寞。纵使这里一切新鲜，还是怀念故乡的老味道。来到台北，遭遇了寒流，开始想念家乡的温暖。也因为这样的湿冷天气，唤起了我多年前在欧洲游玩的记忆。湿湿、冷冷、累累，很不好受。

在这里所经历不好的事情，也算是这趟旅程的一部分。偶尔会去想如何转换思绪，不去以“熬”的心态度过这个月。我提醒自己要珍惜在这里的机会，好好地感受这里的生活。最好记录旅行的方式，就是充分利用自己的感官实在地感受一遍。照片能留影，录影能留声，文章能留字，唯有五官的整合可以把每一段经历化为人生中不可磨灭的经验。

在这里我会孤寂，就像在北海以外的地方一样。下个星期，当大家都在与亲友团聚的时候，我将会孤独一人。我仅剩的朋友们，都会和家人团圆。我必须坚强，不要被忧郁和孤独打倒。

Alvin and I

This is a long due post to begin with. It is written in English only for one reason, which is to allow my ex-roommate to be able to read, as this post is dedicated to our friendship.

Absence makes the heart grows fonder. It has always been so. I am currently in Taipei, and Alvin is in Melbourne. This is the first time in Medical School we did not see each other when a new term begins. In a cold and quiet night like this (12 degree Celsius), I take time to recall what this friendship has imprinted on me throughout the past four years.

Perhaps it is good to start with how we got to know each other. It was back in 2012, the year which was supposed to be the year of apocalypse. On my first day at Taylor’s College, I remember vividly how the students introduced themselves. Alvin was wearing a black T shirt with “We were Cash less, and we are Job less”, referring to the passing away of Johnny Cash and Steve Jobs. During that one and a half years, we were sort of in the same circle because we were sitting at the same side of the aisle of desks. Those were wonderful days.

In 2014, I dragged my feet to Monash. I never thought I would be ended up here. My mum’s friend found me a single room in a landed house. The place is quite a distance from Monash, and it only has a mattress and a coffee shop table. I did not want to stay there. I heard that Alvin was going to Monash as well, so I called him up to enquire what was his accommodation arrangement. I visited the Residence and thought it was a decent place to stay, but it does not provide single room. However, I was told I could stay with friends with additional charge of RM 100. I contacted Alvin again, and that’s how we became roommates.

I always hear the amazement of other people when they know we could stay together for such a long time with no problems. I would say it just happened that we could adapt to each other’s habit rather well. On top of that, Alvin has an altruistic personality. He is always my instant help when I need it. 

For the first two years of medical school, he has to cope with a depressed roommate. He was the sole audience of my personal matters, and he knew me inside out. In the first year, I was clinically depressed because I could not further my studies in overseas. In the second year, I was hit by relationship problems.

There were too many great moments we spent together, which I can’t possibly write it all here. The heart-to-heart talks at night, the gossip time and so on. We tried cooking instant noodles using hot water and a container since cooking is not allowed in the hostel. The good thing was we had the chance to cook so many good food once we moved to JB. I miss his chicken rice, and I definitely will try cooking it again. In Year 4, we went all the way to look for shooting stars with others, but in vain. And of course, Alvin took care of me when I was admitted to the hospital in Year 3.

One of his good characters I appreciate most is, Alvin is willing to spend time with his friends. When I isolated myself last time, he would accompany me for meals even though he has eaten already. This action absolutely helped in my recovery from depression.

Even though we will not see each other as often, I believe our friendship will remain. I am looking forward to the day we will meet and talk about it again years later. Alvin has visited me in Butterworth, and it shall be my turn to visit him next time. I guess his residence will be the first place I set foot in East Malaysia. Till then, all the best to Alvin, may God bless you.