Photographs

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes.

I think this is perfectly true for me. Months have past and I seem to stuck in the loop of stages of grief. If you don't know what are the stages of grief, there five, namely - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I have been going through the cycle over and over again. I tried to get out of it but I really don't know how. So I wait patiently for time to act, for time to heal. But is it working? Does this have to do with genetics? The coping mechanism in myself? She seems like she has moved on completely, wiping off the footprints left behind her, leaving no traces of the past.

Why do I still keep the photographs. 

Perhaps I am not keeping them, I just don't trash them away. Why should I? It is a part of my life. I couldn't possibly deny what has happened.

But I doubt that I would look through the photographs again. It will only elicit pain and nothing else. However, I realize that the worse part is I can see them without physically look at them, they etch in my mind. 

The feelings of despair set in again recently. It is the same experience like last year. The tightness on my chest resonates through my body and soul. I couldn't sleep. I wake up in despair.

How much time do I need more to get over this.

I know even if the wound healed there would be a scar, the pain will be forever there. It will only diminish, it will not disappear. It's like the half-life graph in Physics. The pain, just the radioactive particle, will only diminish over time, but it will not be gone.

Overseas, it is still a dream to be fulfilled.

My heart will still break a little when I hear your name, even 10 years later.

'We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home'