Friday, 30 May 2014

X 计划


是时候了。

几个月来,接受了太多的正能量治疗。父母、家人、佳人朋友等等各方都集中火力向我全面发射正能量。起初没有显著的效果,情况还继续恶化,甚至到了快要放弃一切治疗的地步。到了近期连续接受了一系列的治疗:讲座、上课、导师等等后,大脑皮层似乎开始有了正面的反应。体内内啡肽水平持续上升,情况乐观,有信心可以超越正常水平,健健康康。

抱歉,我,是医学生。

大一第一学期的医、学、生。

老实说,这真的没什么了不起。医学生,无论如何都是个学生。别人当你是天才,讲师天天说你是蠢才。上课时我觉得我简直蠢呆了,我还不会这一种新语言——就只管叫它“医语”吧。但是,大脑后方总有个声音一直细说,只要是马条干的事没有一样是不了不起的。告诉你哦,就连失败,也跌得够彻底,够了不起的。那些喜欢“关心”(也许关注比较贴切)我的,给我听好了,如果是真关心,我体会得到。写在这里的东西,你看得到不代表是给你看的。在外面说的闲话,少了我的事也很热闹吧?天哪,任尔东西南北风,再来南北东西挫,发生这一切之后我还能在这里吹,还真有本事。

好吧,继续说说医学生。其实,也没什么好说的。但是,总该说些什么才是。成为一名医生的过程,在我看来就如毛虫变蝴蝶。目前这一门科系给我最大的吸引力不是未来的公德名利,或者饱读经书的快感,而是如何做人。

我看到的是,一个可以真正地朝向健全人格塑造进发的机会。一名医生,不应该只会关于医学的知识。学术方面,他应该达到上知天文,下知地理的境界。不过,我觉得更重要的是他为人处事方面的成熟。他站出来,就会让人觉得不一样。这不是社会地位的问题,而是由于大将之风、能够担当、处事不惊、对人和蔼。孔子也说”泛爱众,而亲仁,有余力,则学文”。

说到这儿,到底什么是X计划?

一对X染色体代表着女性,X计划当然是献给她的。哈,这到底是什么,现阶段无可奉告。不过,线索能够在这篇里头找到。

歌曲,可以唱出许多人的心声。歌曲,可以叙说许多人的故事。歌曲,可以代表我牵妳走过的日子。

不是回味过往,而是升华记忆。

是时候了。



Monday, 26 May 2014

Bangkitlah




You've seen my monsters, you've seen my pain, you're told of my problems, you've tried to chase them away.

You have seen it all, I do not have anything to hide from you. Thank you for keep on trying, I never take for granted. I know you are really fed up. Everyone does. It's time to sit down and talk again.

I remember when we first started you let me listen to "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson. I didn't understand what the lyrics was about. Then slowly I began to know, love covers all offences. And I am learning it.

Perhaps I used the wrong way, it shouldn't be mere tolerance. It's time to sort out the better approach.

Yes, I will definitely rise. But it takes time.

I think I am just like the young Charles Xavier in the most recent X- Men. I have many voices in my mind, I am afraid of the background commentary voices. I shut myself up. I lose hope. However, this is what the old Charles advises the young Charles :" Feel the pain, embrace it, your mind will be stronger than ever before."

Shall I open up my wounds to the brutality of truth.

Am I ready to do it. Can I bear the pain.